Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Riding today and future decisions

Well, after riding Olympus today, I want to go back to Liberty. I'm sure this is just because I know Liberty. When he does whatever he does, I know what it is he's going to do so I can expect it and be prepared. It's scary riding a new horse, even if it is a well trained, beautifully gaited, comfortable horse.  Today Olympus took the bridle great (I took it apart, and did not put the browband over his ears) I then put the browband over one ear, but not the other. he did great for most of the ride, but then the bridle began to slip further and further back on his neck and then the browband touched the hair on the inside of his ear.  Then he shook his head, causing the browband to slip back even further. He began to shake his head and longe a funny way trying to get away from the thing on his ear (or the bit...it is time to do his teeth, so I'm not ruling anything out)  It became a vicious cycle which stopped only after I put the reins on his halter and put the bridle away.  Then, with no bit, his normal head carriage was gone (miss that!) and he was a lot faster (hmmm, could be good, could be bad b/c I'm real attached to his pokey little trot and canter) and he still shook his head around.  But he did not take off after Rascal when Rascal took off, which was way cool, he did trot out more steadily once he adjusted and he did not have any trouble stopping, so it may just be an adjustment on my part. He's not in great shape and he tends to protest about being ridden when he gets tired. Olympus is not made from the strong "nights who say ni" stuff that Liberty is made from. He's more the wimpy tight to complain about "everything".  I was feeling bad about how much I had to get on and off (suddenly, he could not traverse several ravines and ditches and had to be led down) and I was worried that he wouldn't do water either. But then Susan, wanting to catch up to Alanna, let her horse canter and he really went off super charged...and I was reminded why Olympus is such a nice boy. He just sort of watched, but never sped up. Good boy Olympus. I was also reminded that i have really only had this horse on the trails about 11-13 times in all, so really, he's fantastic! I think he's just now starting to figure out what he can get out of.  The new halter bridle will arrive soon and that will help.

When I brought him back, Liberty came to visit me. I hugged my boy tight and smelled him and I was instantly reminded why I love my main squeeze...and reminded that I haven't been on him since October and how much I miss him. With Liberty I know what will go wrong potentially. I know he's a wreck on the trail on his own. I know he's a loud mouth at the P&R. I know that he's afraid of birds and that he always spooks left and if I can hang on he won't dump me. I also remember why he's harder to ride in some ways (way more narrow...I can't stick as well) but also how he thinks so much of himself and is just such a blast. i"m wondering what to do. I rode Olympus at six O b/c Maggie was going to compete Liberty...but now of course, she's not (never mind the conversations about not changing her mind). She's going back to Dixie. So I find myself wondering if I should go back to Liberty...and if I go back to Liberty do I just do the CP thing or do I go back to Open even though it means Maggie and I have to work things out logistically.  Do I ride Liberty in LA and then see who I had the most fun with?  Do I need to care about getting points this year and trying for a year end award (which negates caring which horse I ride more often) Do I try for a national championship knowing I'll be up against Jonni's horse, Hank, Alanna and Rascal, and Tory and Bam...I hadn't thought about that this year at all b/c I really thought that I was going to be working a lot more hours. The idea of riding so far after working 45-50 hours wasn't at all appealing...

which leads me to the next bit.

I found out today that my friend I have been filling in for will be back next week. I asked the Executive director if that meant I should plan only to work through next week, but I haven't heard anything yet. I did mention again that I really liked my job and would be happy to stay on resource for as many hours as they could/would give me. I knew this was temporary, but I don't think I expected to be this fulfilled by the word.  Not just making more money (though that has been nice) but just what it has done for me as a therapist. While I have been given to patients, and they seem to be happy with me, i have been receiving validation that I'm a good therapist. That I have always been a good therapist.  Before I kind of wondered if I was good at what I did. I wasn't sure b/c I didn't get a lot of feedback and validation, but now I'm sure that i am a good Music Therapist.  I know that I have grown over the last few years as a MT and that I'm able to work in areas I never really thought I'd be good at. I'm sure that i will go to some nursing homes, or maybe hospitals or wherever and begin a marketing campaign for more work for myself. I'm going to develop a brochure and I'm going to get more work (if the hospice can't keep me around for whatever reason). I have gone to DSSW and emailed them for more clients, but I honestly don't have a good feeling that more will be forthcoming. I have a friend who has more hours than she can handle and has cut back, so I know the hours are out there, but I don't think that I'm popular there right now. I want the work, but I have one person I have worked with there that just doesn't seem to like me and she doesn't think I do a good job. I have had a couple clients quit me that were hers in the last year and while I can see why I may have done something to be quit in one case, the other one was just ridiculous.  I'm not sure that she didn't actually cause my problem with both clients, she's just that hard to get along with. The people I have now are great. We seem to get along and the clients seem to like me, but I know that this can turn on a dime. I treat my work with DSSW way more seriously than I used to when maggie was in school. I treat it like I would an 8-5 job and I try not to take off...I learned the hard way that flexibility means that the client can change up their schedule all they want, but we'd better not change ours and that even though you have told a client for 2 months you're going to be gone an entire week, they may be still get made at you when you do take off...or when you change the schedule to see a client in advance of a coming snow storm this does not necessarily make you popular and the client may say that you change your schedule too much (even though they change theirs more) Anyway, enough of that...lets suffice to say, I want more work if it's not with hospice then I'm going to have to regroup and look for more.

Which brings me back to the horses: If I'm going to work less, I can't afford to go to so many rides but I won't be as tired and worried about getting back to work on Monday so I could ride open. If I work more, I'm tired and can't ride as much during the week and so CP is better. I'm not sure that I didn't like how much energy I had on Saturday when i came in. Olympus is easy to ride and I was relaxed and not exhausted and sore...of course, I only did one day since the ride got canceled.  It might be fun to ride Open heavyweight against all the really good horses and see how we stack up. We did OK last year, but we didn't really have the normal people to ride against, so it wasn't a true test. I'm sure I'll ride him open at the Arab championships in September...unless Maggie wants to do it.

I asked Peter if he had an opinion and he pretty much outlined what I already think. So, no answer there. I think I'm just going to have to see who gives me the most joy and go that route. I think that I don't mind going to slower and shorter and having more time to hang with my friends and play the guitar and sing in the afternoons...or give the occasional massage again which I have the energy to do if I'm not riding open (and could use the money for gas, lol) So I suspect I'll stay in CP, just have to decide on the horse. I need to get on Liberty and go riding. I miss him. We have fun together. Oly is sweet and I have fun with him too.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Christmas eve pleasantries

I'm finally home. Today I got called into work for a few hours and I was bummed at first that I had to work because I was really looking forward to having a peaceful day at home.  But I was happy in the end that I had gone to be with the family.

Now we're watching the SyFy Christmas specials and drinking hot cider with spiced rum (yummy).  Peter made dinner for us tonight. It was a Shepherd's pie. Tasty!!!  Already watched haven and now working on  Eureka. I'm considering crochet...or Sim's. Not sure yet. The Eureka special is really, really funny, so hard to think about doing anything extra besides watching the shows. I think we'll watch White Christmas after this is over because Maggie will be with her dad tomorrow night, and it's a movie we watch every year. 

I have cinnamon roll dough started in the bread maker. Maggie loves my cinnamon rolls and I loved that my mom always made cinnamon rolls on Christmas morning when I was a kid, so it's a nice tradition. Peter is cooking dinner tomorrow too. He's making prime rib and potatoes and asparagus. I'm making an appetizer of jalapenos wrapped in bacon, stuffed with cream cheese. He also made a pie called Joe's Ky pie...it's chocolate, pecans, sugar....kind of like a cookie in a pie shell. Looks good anyway. 

Shawn will pick Maggie up tomorrow night. We might go  see The War Horse, but Peter and I may stay home and let Maggie and Shawn go alone. I'm a little sad. I'm going riding Monday (my only day off) and I really wanted Maggie to go with me, but Shawn had taken the day off just to spend it with her. I'm sure I can find an adult to go riding with, but maggie and I have ridden together in a long time. We've been so busy! She has been getting to ride some, and I have been riding other times. We don't ride the same division now, so I can't ride with her at the rides. I miss my little buddy.  Next weekend I hope the weather is nice and we can go then!

Our Christmas tree has lots of presents under it. I don't know what to expect, but it will be fun. I'm sure we'll head to church at 11 as well. Maggie has been attending a church on Wednesday nights called Grace Baptist. I really like it. It's made me excited about church again.  Peter...well, not so much. It's Baptist and not really his thing, but he's going with us some too. maggie had made a nice group of friends there and it makes me happy to see her part of a group of nice kids.

Off to play with my sims...or crochet...or something.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Crunch time

This week leading up to Christmas promises to be busy. I did most of my shopping online yesterday so I'm covered there. Tomorrow I will get a few things wrapped and in the mail but except for a few small things I'm done shopping. We have really pared down our gift giving and I think that's so much better. No crafting for me this year. I have been too busy working.

This week the boss from Chicago is in. He is going to ride with me on Tuesday. I'm both nervous and excited about it. I hope it's a good sign that he is observing me. My friend who I have been filling for will be returning soon but I really hope they keep me on in some capacity. Not just because I'm earning more money. Especially because I love the job.

Saturday wasn't a good horse day. I haven't been on a horse in 2 weeks and I'm missing it bad. I was going to ride on Saturday but we never got past the bridling. I have a new bridle on order from nancy mitts at Stablegear tack to solve one more problem. Maggie has decided that she won't ride Liberty the rest of the season. She just doesn't like him enough. So it's Liberty who will get a break since I'm going to stick with Olympus.

I really miss sewing. I hope I get to do some this winter but I suspect that free time is in a short supply temporarily. As I get more comfortable working the new job I'm sure I'll find free time. I hope to get back to the gym this week because I'm tired of not being physically active. Gotta start working through to get on a triathlon path again.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

The worst day

This is a rant most likely you will read it and wonder what the big deal is i find myself thinking the same thing I dont know why today is worse than another day it just is I have just been having the worst day. My ipad calendar got stuck and froze. And I had clients to see and outlook had hijacked the calendar and I didn't know who I was supposed to see. It was a real mess. I finally had to delete and reinstall the calendar. Then I was late. Then the program I do documentation with stopped working (not my fault) so I didn't get to see my clients nor did I do documentation. Then there were admissions so I have to do their assessments before I leave town on Friday. Then there was the fact that I didn't sleep well last night. And maggie is home so I couldn't even have my meltdown in private. And she lost her literature book and her test (found the test). This all put me into a state of total tears and crying. My work of the last 6 weeks has caught up with me in a big way. I love the job and the money I'm earning. I want to keep this job forever. But to do so I have to do double duty four more weeks and I'm just tired.

So then I calmed down and we left the house to go feed. Then I realized I had to go to the bank and then I realized I was out of gas. Then I realized I didn't have time to go to feed and that I was now late for maggie to get to school and me to my hair appointment (only fun thing in my day) I'm feeling alone and stressed out.

So now I'm getting my hair done but I just keep crying and crying today. I can't turn off the faucet and it's embarrassing which makes me cry even harder. Just typing all this out makes me cry more.

I have patients to see after this. I have paperwork to do. I have to complete my ceu's ASAP or I won't have a certification. I'm still supposed to leave town Friday though I have taken steps to save myself from that. I want to go be with my friends and ride my horse. I just don't know how I'll get it all done.