Deep in the Heart of Texas

I had the opportunity to ride the Deep in the Heart of Texas ride at Parrie Haynes Ranch in Killeen, TX this past weekend. I had never taken Liberty to a ride alone, so I was pleasantly surprised how easily he settled into camp. I set up my bed for the night: a bedroll in the back of the surburban (gotta love that ease). Liberty didn't call out to the other horses too much, though he did a little but I was impressed by the fact that he continued to eat and drink normally. He was good at check in though I bobbled the question the horsemanship judge asked me and let Liberty get out too far behind me. I hate it when I lose points over something so silly.

Liberty is a good camper, even on his own, so the night went very quietly. I have been feeding him Triple Crown safe Forage product, which is a chopped, fortified hay product. I made him up a batch of that plus beet pulp for the night, with a little electrolytes thrown in. I also hung him two bags of hay. In the morning, he'd eaten most of the mash, a little of the hay and drunk about half a bucket of water, so I figured he was ready for the day. I was surprised later in the day when he got a 3 for slow gut sounds because he ate constantly, including when we came back to the trailer for a short break between loops. I love the trail that brings us back through camp, lets us take a break and feed the horses and use a real bathroom.

Saturday morning the weather was perfect. It wasn't cold or warm and Liberty walked out of camp behind Betsy's horse, April, very calmly. We weren't in the very back, but toward the back and he seemed happy to keep his pace for several miles, even when other horses began to pass us. We went through an obstacle which was an up and down through some mud and he handled it like a trooper. Sometime after this obstacle though, April's fast walk and alternate trotting started to affect his energy negatively. He began to get very wound up and jiggy and I finally decided to pull over and let him cool off. I found a place with some grass and dismounted so he could find his brain. After letter many riders pass us, I was having trouble getting back on, until Kimberly came along riding her mustang, Peppy. Peppy is young, but mellow and she waited for me to remount and we headed off together. They kept a great pace together for awhile and we went by a creek and up a hill, where I later found out the judge was hiding. After awhile, Liberty relaxed and stretched out and we left Peppy when Kimberly stopped to make a tack adjusment.

Through the day, he got better at riding alone, though he would call to some distant horse every so often. WE had 2 good P&R's and a mount, which he walked off from (darn horse). I made a wrong turn, but was still on the yellow trail, so didn't realize it for a few minutes and had to hustle back and find the trail. His metabolics were a little off for him, but his energy level was really good. Back in camp he checked out with no fill or dimished gut sounds and his back was good. Day one in the books.

Sunday started out warm and humid with a light breeze as the horn went off at 5am. The day was cold, but clear and it was a great ride. WE failed to open and close a gate...but we did it better than we ever have. Liberty was forward and happy to be on the trail. We checked out a little off, but I honestly think he just stepped on the rock wrong as we trotted over the drive between the judges and the trot out area. In any case, he came home and ran around the field and acted like he hadn't even been ridden. IT was amazing that he actually placed 5th. I figured we were out of it completely.

I was so proud that Liberty handled being on his own as well as he did, but I can tell we still need some practice.

Photos from the Six O ride

Here are some photos from the Six O CTR. I'm buying several of these b/c I like them so much. The photographer is Jim Edmondson and the website is

Optical Harmonics

On Feeling Left Out

Today was a beautiful day and I wanted to ride...only I had to teach a lesson at 2pm. It's supposed to be a father and daughter but lately it's been just the daughter. I love this kid and I like her dad really well too. I like them well enough to forego trail riding with friends most weeks to see them and teach...but today I was feeling really sad and sorry for myself. I found out that two of my friends were off to Decatur and I hadn't been invited b/c they knew I had to teach at 2pm today. No one was at the barn with whom to ride. I have been delegated to teen trail riding babysitter. The friends I used to ride with all the time are no longer available when I am able to ride. I have tried to rework my schedule to get my social riding friend fix, but so far haven't been able to figure out how to get it done. I have been keeping my own schedule and going out to play with my horses at least 2 times per week alone. I like being out there by myself, but sometimes it's odd to be out there all alone with no one except stable hand around. I can't ever get Cat to go. Her reasons range from no gas money to just don't want to. So many people I know out there work during the day and they just ride on weekends or at night, which is when I'm working. Even if I weren't working, I have begun to make an effort to be home at night so we can be together as a family...honestly, there are many times I'd rather be at the barn at night b/c it's when everyone is there, but I know Peter likes us home, so I keep that schedule. Susan and Bird went riding today and I couldn't go. They were actually being nice not asking me since it was their belief I couldn't go, but I feel so left out of things. Every Sunday at 2pm I teach these 2 lessons and it's when everyone is off riding. Most of the time I just accept that it's my life and i really like teaching and being with the students. I just felt like today I had traded all my freedom for $20. I was just feeling so lonely and left out. I feel like I'm in this huge transition period and I know where I've been but don't know where I'm going. I want riding friends who are my friends and love to go riding. I don't want to have to beg someone to ride with me. I want it to be like it used to be when I had more people to ride with and more places to go than I could keep up with in a single day. I really miss seeing Susan every week or every other week.


I'm hoping to get their lessons changed to later in the afternoon so I can have some social riding time and then come back and teach. It was a good lesson today. I worked with Maggie and Emily on negotiating better hills and they did great. Emily is doing fantastic on this horse, Bobbie. I wish her folks would let her have a horse of her own as she would realy excel I think. Bobbie is very laid back, a little on the slow side: perfect for kids!

I tried to talk Mary into going to the trail challenge with me...but she let me know that she just doesn't camp. I'm so bummed b/c Maggie is going to be at the cheerleader's lock in and I can go by myself and have an adult weekend...only I can't get anyone to go with me. I don't know if it will be more depressing to go alone and be alone all weekend on my own, or if it will be worse to just not go.

I don't guess we're going to the Scamper either. Maggie just doesn't want to ride Freeley in competition. I can't understand it. He's so awesome and I know if she would just ride him they could be a great team. But, to be honest, he was a little off today. His canter wasn't right. He's just missing some of his get up and go...he's almost 19 and he shouldn't be "old" but he's starting to feel like he's slowing down. Maybe it was just a fluke today, but he just hasn't had the same motivation the last few times I've taken him out. I feel like his heart just isn't in it these days. I don't know if he's just hurting and trying to fake it and pretend he's not hurting, or if he doesn't really like Maggie riding him either. I think he's a little jealous of Liberty, but since Liberty actually seems to want to hang out with me, I admit that it's easier to grab him and play.

I have got to get over feeling so down. I can accept that part of it is just hormones, but I can't drag on being this emotional much longer. I've been sad the last 3 days thinking about all these things...Maggie is growing up and would rather ride with her friends. I'd rather ride with my friends too, but don't seem to have any that are free. I feel like I could just go in a corner and cry and cry. I hate feeling like that. I hate crying and having no one comfort me and I hate crying when there is anyone around...quite a contradiction. What I mean is that I could cry right now and I am home and feel like I wouldn't be comforted, so if I can't be comforted by someone at home, I would rather just cry where there isn't anyone to see me, so I don't feel quite so ignored. He's not ignoring me to be mean I'm sure...I just don't think men in general know what to say or what to do when women cry, so ignoring us is so much easier. Or I get told what it is I have done to cause this situation myself, or how I should fix it, when the bottom line is that I'm just sad and needing to be held while I have a good cry.

I usually ride on Monday, but weather.com says it's going to rain, so I guess I will come back home and do paperwork tomorrow and Tuesday. Hopefully I can ride again on Wednesday. Jackie and I were going to ride tomorrow, but she has other things she has to do, so I'd be on my own again anyway. It some how feels less lonely to be home alone than it does to be at the barn all alone. I'm just so tired of feeling blah.

Where has the time gone?

I didn't mean to go so long without posting, I've just been so busy.

After being sick for a week I then had to make up all the work that was left undone while I was ill, so last week was extra busy. Then at the end of the week, Maggie and I had plans for one last CTR at Horsemasters, in East TX.

The best part of the ride this weekend was that Peter managed to pull off a big surprise! He drove down to the ride and met us at the first P&R. I was really shocked b/c when he didn't come on Saturday, I figured he was going to skip it. I didn't blame him really. It was 150 miles one way. There was no need to spend the gas money just to come hang out. But when I got to the first P&R I did a double take and there he was. I threw my arms around him and starting kissing him and hugging him madly. It was way, way cool.

The guy next to me in line, Mark Carter, missed the introductions. When Peter went down the line to talk to Maggie, I said something about my husband. He said "that's your husband" I laughed and asked him who else I would be kissing in the woods on my birthday. Mark said he didn't know for sure since he didn't know me that well and perhaps I was meeting my boyfriend (not exactly, but I can't remember the exact wording) He was kidding. So, when Peter came back through I introduced them and Peter joked about not telling my husband that he had come to see me. It was funny.

Too bad Freeley had to ruin the fun and good intentions by mashing Peter's hands. There goes Orchestra for a few weeks. Having him come was just the best birthday surprise!

It was great to have him in camp to help pack up and just hang out. I made the mistake of getting in the check out line way too early and blew precious time from my afternoon that I could have spent hanging out with Peter.

This ride was not one of our more shining moments. The weather was beautiful and Freeley was hyper all weekend. Maggie wasn't as overly sensitive as she was at Bigfoot Boogie, but she was not as relaxed as she had been at the benefit ride. I did not like the way the horsemanship judge talked to me or the girls. I had no quarrel with her message to any of us. She has an opinion of how things should get done and I now have more information about what she expects in the future, but all of it felt very patronizing and snotty to me.

We got fussed at for wearing our sandals in camp. I pointed out that we would never wear sandals to the barn, but that when you're camping you are in your "home" for the weekend. We came over to the horses b/c the judges were there. It wasn't like we were running around, frolicking with our horses with our sandals on. The girls were told they hadn't groomed their horses well enough. I saw them bathe the horses, so I wasn't sure what the problem was, but evidently they didn't do a good enough job. Some judges care more about baths than others. Jena called her horse an idiot for not doing something and was docked 2 points. There is some question as to whether the judge said to Jena, Maggie's friend, that her horse wasn't the idiot. I'm still looking for confirmation on that one. In any case the message was fine, but the delivery wasn't and I'm still not happy even after a few days. Riding safety is looking really good right now.

All of this brings me to the dilemma of Liberty. If we are going to back off NATRC for the next little bit, I don't need him. I like him and I'm having fun with him, but I don't need him. Maggie has never committed to riding Freeley yet and I"m not sure that he will behave for her in that setting anymore than he does for me. I just don't have a clue really. He might be perfect for her in that setting and he certainly has enough experience to be a good boy and take her down the trail. In any case, if they thought Brody was too green for Maggie, Liberty is no better, but he is smaller, which is a good thing. It will be 6 months at least before I'd trust him with Maggie on the trail and based on what everyone else tells me about kids/horses, maybe I should wait even longer. I see a different kid with a different set of skills than others see and I'm wondering if it's time to see her through their eyes...which isn't easy to do.

Originally before Deli was lame, we were going to do a few of the colder weather rides and then take the rest of the year off till the foal came and then start riding Deli again. WE don't know if Deli will ever be able to do NATRC again or not. Some people say that Ringbone can go away and she may be fine. Others say that to do NATRC is probably out of the question and chances are they will always be looking for her to have problems. We can do trail trials, but they don't happen that often. They also don't check for lameness.

Many of my friends think that even Deli is too much for Maggie. They don't see her when it's just us having fun. They have only see us stressed out, in a group. I don't know if she is or not b/c she certainly wasn't this summer when we were in Arkansas.

I just don't know the answer.

I did figure out the cost to keeping Liberty each month. For the first time in my life I find myself wondering if the new furniture I'd like to have wouldn't be a better idea.

I have one more week to decide. I have to get several rides in so I know. He's such a cutey and a good deal I know he'll make a great horse. But, I do already have some great horses.

So the question is, change sports (don't compete) or get the horse that will let us compete if Maggie will ride Freeley. The problem is that she will tell me that she will, but I won't know if she's sincere until after I buy the horse.

Photos of Maggie and Brody

These are photos taken by Jim Edmonson at the Region 4 benefit ride in Decatur, TX on Oct 6-7. He says that he is only an amateur, but the photos are just fantastic. He captured Maggie and Brody just perfectly and caught them in moments when they were both smiling and getting along. Thanks so much for sharing these photos.

I'm sick

I have that cold I've been avoiding. I have really been lucky and stayed healthy, but now I'm sick. I started getting sick on Thursday last week, but I didn't start to feel really bad until I was on my way home last night from the CTR. I canceled all my activities for today and for tomorrow. I'm going to stay in and just try to feel better. I even was lucky enough to have someone bring Maggie home and they are picking her up before school tomorrow. Tuesday will be a similar day and I hope to sleep and watch TV for most of it.

Maggie did great at the CTR. She came in 5th again (well I guess that's really last, but she doesn't care) She and Brody had a great time. She's going to ride him again in two weeks at the next CTR. She and Jena had so much fun riding, swimming and just playing with the other kids. It was a good w/e, even though I was sick.

I discovered that Freeley is really not suited to riding safety. It made him nuts to have follow and never catch the last rider in line. He wanted to catch up and while he was never uncontrollable, he wasn't really good either. He kept trying to get up the next riders hindend and was only happy once they were truly gone for good. On the other hand, I rode him alone for one of the first times ever and he was fantastic. It was so nice to have my buddy out there on the trail. I found that I enjoyed not talking, just riding and enjoying the day.

We brought home a little puppy for the day for my friend Karen. Her son picked her up this evening and Maggie is still missing her. She was cute, a little miniature pincher. She will be for my friend's son 's birthday. She was a lot of fun and my big guys were actually quite nice to her. I was very surprised they were so good. Frankie wanted to play, but I kept a close eye on him.

Hopefully I'll get to feeling better and be back to riding by Wednesday. I need to play with Liberty some more.

Nicole said she had Deli out today and that she looked lame and wouldn't track to the left in the round pen. I wasn't there, so I don't know what was going on, but sometimes she's just ornery that way, so it's hard for me to know. I'll hopefully get her out on Wednesday and see what she's doing and if there is really a problem or not. I don't know what I'm going to do with Maggie's broken heart if that mare doesn't get sound eventually. I can already see myself pulling away from her in preparation for the tragic reality. It's not fair to Deli b/c she might be OK eventually, but it breaks my heart so much to see my animals in pain I suspect I do it to save myself hurting when they have to leave me.

Well, off to bed with me. I'm pooped and still coughing.

Big Foot Boogie Photos

Maggie and Brody on the trail

Running

I was about to make a blog when my daughter's dachshund, Cecilia, peed on me and my chair...so instead of posting about running, I was running away from the dog. Ugh! I really dislike this dog and I would like to find her a new home. However, she's lived with us for four years and she is the one my daughter loves best and I can't bear to make maggie give her up. So, instead, I put up with having her pee on me. Yuck and double yuck.

Tonight Maggie and I started her running program. Our friend Alexa showed her stretches to do and told her to start by walking from one end of the block to the other and then running the length of the block and then walking back home. We did this. I jogged it slow, got very tired, but made it, but recovered quickly. Maggie ran it faster than me, but had a harder time catching her breath. We are both terribly out of shape. Maggie commented that she was the one who needed conditioning, not the horse.

This Sunday Maggie begins her new job. She's going to be doing the barn with Jennifer a couple times per month. Well, that's the long term plan. For now I know she's working this weekend and I probably have her talked into the weekend of the 14th, but beyond that, who knows. She wants some Sundays off just to sit around (don't we all) but I think it's going to be good for her. I hadn't realized how lazy she's become. She's not a huge TV watcher or a computer player, but she just doesn't move a lot. In the last six months she's gotten a lot bigger and her energy levels have just plummetted. I know that the only way to get past where she is is to get busy and be active, so I'm kind of forcing the issue. It's one of the reasons that I wanted her to go ahead and ride the next CTR. That is good exercise for her. I know that she won't much like the barn cleaning, but since we're getting Liberty, I figure she needs to be willing to work for it. I work very hard to afford the horses. I want her to understand that she needs to do the same too.

I had another vet come out to see Deli this week to get a second opinion and see what else could be causing her lameness. They said it was ringbone and that she has low heel, long toe syndrome. I didn't cause the ringbone, but my trimming techniques have caused the long toe. I'm a good trimmer when I have time, but lately I haven't had time. So, I'm going to pay a farrier to trim her for awhile until she quits being lame. Against my principles, but under veterinary recommendation, I had alluminum egg bar shoes put on her temporarily. According the xrays it will help her be comfortable quickly. Of course, tonight, she's just lame, so I don't know if it will help or not. Dr. Tersteeg, the vet, said to give her a week in her new shoes (it will be 10 days before we have time to mess with her anyway) and then see if she's still lame. If she's lame, leave her alone in the pasture. The poor horse is getting so fat...she's just as sweet as ever though.

I can't say that ringbone, other lameness is really a great prognosis for her, but I think it will be easier to find Deli the right home with this dx over EPM. She won't have chronic care issues, may be ridden some and could teach lessons and do local schooling. She might also be suitable for a therapeutic riding center. I will have to find her a job next fall if she's still lame. She gets a reprieve b/c of the foal and would have a reprieve for at least 6 months or so anyway. As sad as it is, I will have to find her a home if she continues to be lame. I can't board old and lame horses forever. I worry that I will also have to make this decision for Freeley some day. I dread that day!

Speaking of Freeley, for the moment he is doing great in his shoes. He acts like he feels better and he is moving better for now. I won't leave him in shoes long term, but I think I will be letting Tony trim Deli and Freeley for awhile. I will continue trimming Joe Bear and I plan to do Liberty myself also.

Off to bed...work tomorrow and picking up Liberty. Still need to post about maggie's ride, but I'll do a seperate post and put up some photos.

quick note

Alot of stuff is going on. I just haven't had time to sit down and write anything.

Mainly I wanted to tell the story of Maggie's CTR and how she finished it all by herself after I got pulled. She had a safety rider following her, but she did it all on her own. Boy, was I proud!

I also wanted to write a quick note to say Deli doesn't have EPM. She is lame in both front feet and has ring bone on the right front. Not sure yet how that will affect us, but I do have the farrier coming to help me put it right tomorrow.

There is more to tell. This is just the quick version.

Empowering decisions

Today I made a decision! I decided that I would go to Maggie's school and do massages only 1 day per week. This means I will be paying them more money each month, but that's OK b/c I'm working more. We are only three weeks into school and Maggie is already complaining how little I'm home. I told her that we would all adapt and it would be fine. I need to work and we're finally getting things caught up and bills paid off. We finally have enough cash to take care of our needs instead of running to credit cards on occasion. It's a good feeling. I don't have to feel guilty if I go to a ride or a clinic. It's a good, good feeling. Did I mention it was a good feeling?

Still no word from Eric about Deli. I'm so hoping he'll take her and let her live there, which will free us up to have another horse to ride.

We're going to look at a new horse...Maggie may be doing the barn to pay for it if we decide to get him. Dumb, yes, but this is one of those good deals...we'll see what happens. She will be doing the chores to show me that she understands how much work there is to be done in a day. We'll see how long she stands up to the task. Of course, I will help, but she and Jena and Jennifer see ripe for the task. I'll be there to ride, trim, teach and supervise. It will be fun to watch my kid cleaning stalls for a change. Having a plan makes me feel so much better anyway.

Deli should get started on Marquis by Saturday. Freeley will get a trim this weekend and then he will be better.

Maggie is excited b/c she is going on the CTR ride next weekend. We are going to go to the Bigfoot Boogie with Cat, Jackie, Jena and Jennifer. Susan, Cat's friend, is going to ride Merlin too. IT should be quite fun. We're all going on a lark. I don't expect to do well at all on Skipper. I"d rather take Freeley, but I don't think I could bear not competing, so I'll go with something tried and true. I am riding Skipper and Maggie is riding Brody. I just hope that Skipper is in good enough shape. It could be a complete mess, but we'll all have fun

Off to the races...

Well, not exactly, but almost. Tomorrow we leave for Maggie's first Competitive trail ride. I will get up in the am and pack the truck, go to the barn, foam on Freeley's boots (my first time, could be scary) pack up, pick her up from school and hit the road. Peter is going to go up early and get us a camping spot. I hope he's able to get one with electric and shade and a place to tie up the horses. That's the hardest part really at RR. It's hard to find a good place to tie the horses where you can have electric. I figure I'll be ok without electric, but Peter may want a fan.

Time for bed. Tomorrow is going to come very early.

A sunday rant

I did not intend my blog to be a place to rant and be grouchy, but it seems that sometimes this is the best place that I can vent.

I teach riding lessons. I have been teaching lessons in western saddles because my barn has western saddles. I teach English riding but I use western saddles. I have been taking lessons in Centered riding and plan to get certified as instructor eventually. I like Centered Riding b/c it addresses all types of riding, it's neither English nor Western. Anyone can use the techniques. It takes you into any direction you want to go.

I recently had a student whose mother decided that I did not teach western enough. I'm not sure what that means exactly, but after I said something about teaching basic riding through my english experience in a western saddle, she dropped us from lessons and found a "western" trainer. Now I have a new potential student who isn't sure if she wants to take from me or someone else b/c they don't think I'm English enough. I have been doing dressage for 14 years. How English is that? Until one year ago I didn't even own a western saddle that I used regularly (I have had a couple through the years, but they were always the spare, "friend", saddle, not MY saddle). I'm just so frustrated. It makes no sense to me whatsoever.

This is why I don't like teaching. I feel like I'm stuck on the whim of each set of parents. I am a good teacher. I have a lot to offer, but I don't seem to ever get the respect I feel I deserve. It seems that folks don't respect what we do in CTR, or it's not english or western enough or something. I feel like I have to claw my way up the ladder at every turn. I have more years of experience than both of the other girls. I know that they are good teachers and the three of us have no arguments. We work together really well and get along great. I just don't understand why the parents think that at 24 they are more experienced than I am at 40. I have taken lessons and I have been riding for close to 20 years. I wish I could figure out what it is that doesn't gain me the success and respect. I also wish I could learn just not to care.

In good news, there was an error on my score card for the Indian territory CTR Memorial day w/e. I won in Horsemanship and Freeley won in horse. I knew about Freeley, but I thought I had come in second in Horsemanship. This means that if either of us wins another ride this year, we'll be noviced out. I'm so amazed that we're doing this well. I'm so pleased with my boy. He's so awesome!!!

Delicato's Debacle (Cass County CTR)

Well, we went to the ride this w/e. It wasn't pretty. I've been stalling on writing my story b/c committing it to paper for all to see makes me ask more questions and worry that much more.

I took Deli as planned. I noted on Saturday that I thought she was coming into heat though even when talked to by the stallions at the ride she didn't say much back. She was her normal, pleasant self. She checked in well, she vetted in well, she ate and drank well. She was just great. Deli is such an easy horse. She does have a temper, but she's kind and safe. I never worry about her being nice to people. She's the "spare" horse and teaches lots of lessons.

Saturday was very hot. We've had a really mild spring in Texas this year and all of a sudden it was hot. We had to trot into both P&R's and we lost points both times. Losing points at P&R's is unusal for us. In the beginning of our CTR career she lost points for sore back, sore neck, sore pecs, etc, but never in her pulse. Saturday we lost points for both. She could not get cooled off and panted a lot. But we didn't get held or pulled so we kept going. Our obstacles were fine, metabolic checks OK, but considering how hard the whole event was on all the horses she did just fine.

Sunday morning she was fine, but she didn't eat breakfast. This is very unusual for this horse not to eat breakfast. Her gut sounds were good, she had eaten alot of hay in the night and she had drunk plenty of water, so we went. She was very wound up wanting to be with April, my friend Betsy's Morgan mare. Since Betsy and I travel together a lot, we usually try not to ride together, thus separating the mares from the beginning. But they were both so upset about being separated we kept them together this time. The problem is that Deli walks much slower than April and gets left behind. She then has to trot to catch up, which is harder on her body and wears her out faster, as well as gets her more wound up. On Saturday we peeled off from April (which then caused April distress) but when we caught back up they were fine together for the rest of the day. Sunday I tried the same approach, but with much different results.

We were in the deep woods where the trail is hard to see and I couldn't keep up with April without trotting constantly. Deli was very tense, so I made her wait. She refused to walk forward. She only would trot and then mostly sideways. A couple of times she got away from me and crashed through thick woods and underbrush. I hit my head on many branches and once again was so happy that I ALWAYS wear a helmet. Some more people came along and they offered to let us walk quietly along behind them. I thought that might be a good option for awhile. We were not in a good place to get off and just hang out and I was starting to have my confidence rattled. In the past, I would have gotten off and just quit, but I've been so brave lately. I was so proud of myself for not over analyzing the behavior and instead simply riding it out and taking care of business.

This new solution of following these people was not a good solution. No sooner did they put me behind their "nice slow walk" did they start to trot very quickly through the woods. I have ridden behind these same folks before and find they almost always mess up my pacing. They don't do a consistent tempo. They walk a little, trot a little, walk a little trot a little. Every time I've been behind them I've hung back waiting for them to get ahead of me so I can find a pocket, and then I trot up on them again. So their offer for help would have been great, if they'd kept walking...but they didn't.

So, now Deli was frantic about a new set of horses and was getting more and more out of control. I couldn't circle her and there wasn't any place to really get off the trail. I was running up on their horses and I was afraid she was going to run over them. She wasn't thinking. I finally came to a little clearing and I hopped off and we just waited there. She was panting and puffing and I could tell she was physically and emotionally distressed. I started to think about the couple of times she had behaved this way in the past. One time it was a bit issue (something must have been wrong with the bit b/c once I ditched it, she never did this again) and one time she melted down when I know she was coming into heat. Since I had evidence she was coming into heat, I went with the assumption that a follicle was giving her trouble. However, this did not immediately solve any of my problems.

After another group of riders past, and I realized by voices in the words that there was an obstacle ahead, I decided to mount back up and go on. The judges all asked me how I was doing and I burst into tears. All the stress I had felt for the past 10-15 minutes just came out and I cried and cried. I haven't cried while on a horse in a long, long time. After I settled down the judge asked me to approach her which I told her was a bad idea. I guess I sensed that Deli was just moments away from snapping. She talked me into coming closer and when I did, Deli launched over the log and on top of the judge. Then, instead of running left up the trail and out of the woods, she crashed straight into the briars and low branches. I remember seeing the judge under my horse and then I closed my eyes and kept my head and face down while trying to turn her. She finally got stuck in the briars and had to be pulled out. I dropped off (but I didn't fall off) and just stood in some briars. I started crying agian.

At that moment if I'd had a gun, I think I might have shot her...good thing I don't own a weapon.

My hands were cut up and I was bleeding. I had scratches on my neck and later I found a huge bruise where I hit the horn. I stood and talked with the judges for awhile. I was so angry I was determined to get back on and finish. I felt like my horse had completely forgotten I was there and I was determined to finish the ride and teach her a lesson about who was in charge. The judges talked me out of riding and I ended up pulling. I told Doanna, the horsemanship judge, how sorry I was. And I also blubbered on about Maggie and how she loves Deli, but how could I ever trust my child on this horse again. Doanna reminded me that each relationship was different and not to blame Deli too quickly till I had a chance to examine all the evidence and evaluate her behavior later.

By the time we got back to camp though...I wish I had stuck with it. I hate to pull.

Later, at awards, people were laughing about the whole thing and I thought if I put off writing about it, I would find the humor...but here I am 3 days post event and I don't think it's funny at all. My hands are still cut. I haven't been able to work at all this week. I know that there is humor here. It's a great story...NORMALLY MILD MANNERED HORSE GOES ON CRAZY SPREE THROUGH FOREST. etc. I'm just not laughing yet. I'm left with concerns that she is mentally unbalanced and that all the trust I've placed in this horse has been misplaced. I'm worried that she has a screw loose and will never be trustworthy...or worse, that all along she hasn't been trustworthy.

I'm not sure what to do to believe in her again. I need a plan, some exercises, something I can train her with that will help her to be the horse I always thought she was. Maybe after she is bred and has her baby she needs to be spayed? I just don't know right now and I hate feeling like I can't trust her.

Of course the flip side is one crazy event does not a crazy animal make. I have never considered ever letting this horse go until this event. I have never felt or seen such out of control behavior on her or any horse. I didn't even exist at the point at which she barrelled into the woods.

Busy weekend

I have been meaning to start a blog for ages. Peter has one, everyone seems to have one, but I kept putting off geting started. Today just seemed like the perfect time to finally accomplish this task.

Who am I? I'm a 40 year old mom of one (an almost 10 year old), in my second marriage (to Peter) I am a massage therapist trying to build a business for myself doing whatever it takes that is legal, moral and hopefully fun, to earn money to afford my first love...horses! I hope to use this spot as a place to tell stories about my horses (who I love dearly and not everyone in my family wants to hear about all the time) and just every day musings. I used to be a huge writer and I might throw a story in here and there. If I get back in the habit of writing stories often, I'll write another blog to keep fact and fiction separate. I also teach horseback riding lessons at New Ground Farms in Ft. Worth. I had a ton of students until about a month ago when the stress of the end of school and summer has made them kind of become sparse. I definitely need to get out there and market.

Yesterday, Maggie was at her dad's house. She hasn't been in ages for the whole weekend. While she was gone Peter and I decided to clean out the garage as it was nasty dirty. While we were out of town last w/e the dogs had gotten into the garage and just trashed it. She couldn't believe how nice it looked.

We keep having plans. Leading up to the end of school we were so busy. She's finally out of school for the summer and we're looking forward to having less to do than usual. We have playdays for the horses and I compete at CTR. We want to trail ride and swim etc. I am going to do some extensive rearranging and repainting the house. It's one of my big goals for the summer. I refuse to do anything really high dollar though as we live just 3 blocks from where the new Cowboy's stadium is going in and who knows where we'll be in the year 2011 when they play the Super Bowl here. If I could sell the house to a nice developer, I would do it in a heart beat. Otherwise, there may be a vacation that month to get us out of town.

I am a massage therapist, but I haven't been very busy lately. About the time I start to think that I'm going to have some more regular clients, I'll go weeks without working. I have signed up with two agencies so that I can have more work as a massage therapist. I will be working with special need's kids. This is great and I found about the job from a parent at Maggie's school, The Flint Academy. When I called the agencies to get on as a massage therapist, they told me that they desperately needed music therapists so I'm working as a music therapist again. Darn good thing I kept my certification up.

Most important...the horses (well, not more important than my family)

We have 3 horses between us. Maggie's old pony, Joe Bear, my mare (now hers) Delicato, a shagya arabian who will be going to the breeders in another week, and my sweet JJ Freeley, a Rushcreek bred Arabian who was given to me to be Maggie's pony club horse, but ended up being my best love instead. My main sport is competitive trail riding with the NATRC. It is such fun and maggie will finally be old enough to compete with me in the fall. In the mean time we go to play days and play at barrel racing and poll bending. Mostly, Maggie and I just enjoy participating in horsey activities tomorrow.

Tomorrow will be another busy day...we're going to ride and then go swimming and I will do massages at Flint in the afternoon. On Tuesday I hope to go bike riding with her and then I have a music therapy assessment to do. At the end of the week I have a CTR to go on and when I get home from that I hope to have more regular lessons to teach and therapy to do. Otherwise, my summer is going to be pretty slim pickins for cash!

Anyway, I hope to do a good job of keeping up my blog. If you stop by, thanks...otherwise, I'll be back :-)