I was thinking more about my subject yesterday and I think why I am bothered so much is that people lie. I try to be honest and straight forward. I won't call in sick if I'm not sick. If I need a day off, I generally just say so and try to reschedule. I find myself so frustrated with the incongruity of my clients. They don't tell me there is ever anything wrong, so I never have a chance to fix it. Like last spring with that one client. I really thought we all got along great, so it was a real blow to my pocket book (two hours per week) and my emotions to find out that they didn't like the way I was scheduling them. I never even had a chance to fix it. Then recently the program manager asked if I could come back on with the understanding we'd have to have a set day and time and they refused. Their reasons were that I was too talkative (which I know was a problem at first, but swear I fixed) and the scheduling issue...which is also fixed by warrant of the fact that I am taking my schedule more seriously than I used to a year ago...and I'm so busy I don't have time to rearrange anything, so I try to never have to change things up if possible. I'm starting to believe that their discontinuation of the service had very little to do with me, and more to do with their own lives. This client was involved in PT, OT, horse and aqua therapy. So, they were super busy. They frequently canceled on me...yet when they had something to say to my "boss" it was all my fault. I just find it so depressing. yes, I have to move forward and yes, I am good at lots of things, but working for other people doesn't seem to be one of them. This scares me for the future. I want to work with and play nice with others. I want to figure out why I am such a target for mistreatment. It almost seems sport for those who don't like me to beat me up...and yes, that makes me sound really paranoid. Anyway, blogging about it does help kind of get it off my chest. I know that these things are in the past, but I'm still stinging from the weight of my past mistakes. I would like to think that showing up every week counts for something, but evidently the small things that I do wrong count for more. Wouldn't it be nice just to be perfect?