Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Lessons from a broken wing.

 Today has been a long, lonely day without my husband. He had to go and help a friend move some hay but it was also fun because he got to drive a cool new tractor. However, on his way home he ran out of fuel and it has taking him longer to get back then he expected. While I enjoy being on my own at home, I don't like it for this many hours. I have grown  used to his company and the time we spent together at night. 

Currently, I have a fractured right radial head at the elbow. I am trying to behave myself and keep my arm in a sling.  To back up as to how I got this broken arm, it was a horse accident. I was ejected last Tuesday and it was at least partly my own fault.   I often find that in dealing with horses are accidents are our own fault much of the time. 

I go back to the doctor for a recheck tomorrow and I will have a better idea of how my arm is healing. For the last 8 days I have had my arm in a sling.  I was told to stretch it some but it is currently not bending all the way straight or able to curl all the way up. I find that it hurts in the middle of my forearm more than it hurts where the fracture is. I'm not really sure what that is about. I have learned that I am very right-handed.  I have trouble doing even the smallest task with my left hand. I have trouble drinking coffee or making a sandwich or even driving a car.  I have been going out each morning to feed horses and as hard as I try to scoop feed with my left hand I find it almost impossible. I wear my sling when I'm doing anything that might cause me to behave stupidly or move suddenly.  all of this has forced me to slow down quite dramatically. Last weekend we were supposed to of gone to the beach however I couldn't even think about getting on a horse or being comfortable riding in a truck that far so we stayed home. I have had several days of complete and utter rest. I have not been able to crochet or do anything useful that does not get done with I left hand only.  I left hand only. There has been a bad side effect to all this rest. 

There has been a bad side effect to all this rest.    I find that I like not working so hard. Of course, I need to continue working hard to pay all my bills and I will but I am reminded that not every minute of every day needs to be filled with work. It is absolutely OK to sit and just watch television. I have spent the last couple days watching the BBC  production of broad church with David Tennant.  It is full of detail that I would have missed had I've been crocheting or surfing Facebook while I watched it. I am learning to let go of all of the many things that I could be doing,  in favor of resting. Michael has encouraged me to do this for a long time but I find sitting still difficult. I find sitting still in the quiet with nothing else to do a recipe for sleep, which I have also been doing a lot of. 

 One of my contracts has given me three more assessments to complete in the next few weeks and they will turn into clients in the future. I also know that when my arm is healed I will go back to working at therapeutic massage but I am reminded that I do not have to work every minute of every day. I can have days like today where a friend comes over with her grandson and we played with horses and pick the spoils of the garden for her Goats.  I can crochet without feeling guilty or so or embroidery. I can go out to lunch with a friend.  I can help Michael with his own business by sending out cards and letters to generate more business. I can sit and watch television and hold his hand and treat him like at the center of my world that he is. 

 My dogs are barking and I am hoping that he has arrived home I will sign off for now and go check. 

Sunday, July 23, 2017

Deep thoughts

I have been contemplating my state of old friends over the last few days. I still have people I miss from my old life. They are not bad and I am not angry with them as much as I am sad they have chosen not to include me in the present. It has been a hard lesson to learn they are part of the past and not part of my future. It has been hard to realize that others have been included over me. It has been tough to realize that some of these people think badly of me when I did not do them any harm. It is tough knowing people think that I would do anything to harm them. I'm not saying I haven't made mistakes because I know I have.  But, I am amazed how some people act badly and stir pots and still come out smelling rosy. Each day I focus my eyes on the Lord, my husband, my church, my new life. However sometimes it's hard not to look back.

My life needs to belong to the Lord. It has to be about the future. We just found out our pasture is leaving us in a month. I have no idea who comes next but I am unbelievably sad. Jess McCabe has brought me back to church. Well, michael did but Jess has inspired me with his words and filled my heart with His word.

My life has gone in a new direction and continues to take me on a new path but sometimes I still miss those old friends and wish they would come back. 

Monday, June 26, 2017

I made it through the rain


We dreamers have our ways
Of facing rainy days
And somehow we survive

We keep the feelings warm
Protect them from the storm
Until our time arrives

Then one day the sun appears
And we come shining through those lonely years

I made it through the rain
I kept my world protected
I made it thought the rain
I kept my point of view
I made it through the rain
And found myself respected
By the others who
Got rained on too
And made it through

When friends are hard to find
And life seems so unkind
Sometimes you feel afraid

Just aim beyond the clouds
And rise above the crowds
And start your own parade

'Cause when I chase my fears away
That's when I knew that I could finally say

I made it through the rain
I kept my world protected
I made it thought the rain
I kept my point of view
I made it through the rain
And found myself respected
By the others who
Got rained on too
And made it through

I made it through the rain
I kept my world protected
I made it thought the rain
I kept my point of view
I made it through the rain
And found myself respected
By the others who
Got rained on too
And made it through
And made it through
And made it through

Love this Barry Manilow song. It reflects my thoughts and feelings today   I am in  the sun 

Sunday, June 25, 2017


I have had an interesting weekend. I returned to my old home this weekend to visit. I was reminded what it was like to live here and how much I love it. I was able to fondly think about how much I loved living here. It  was strange to be a guest in what was my home for 15 months. I had really thought I'd live here forever and probably would have if it had not been for finding Michael  

We went to a gun education weekend and it was great. I have been pretty uncomfortable about shooting and now I feel much better. I shot yesterday and I think I did ok. I didn't shoot today because I have a terrible headache. I have been shooting a Walther PPS 9 mm. I am really grateful to Mike's brother for loaning me a gun to use. Mike's gun is really too big heavy and large for my hands. 

I have moved forward over the weekend spending time with these good friends. I have been sad for people of the past and I think I have moved forward and finally ceased to care so much about my old life. I don't know why some of these friendships have fallen away but I am done trying to fix it. I didn't do anything to these people. There is no reason for them to have left behind. No matter what is said or thought I didn't cause this to happen. I have some theories about why and who happened but it's just not important anymore. I know that I am a good person and I'm finished apologizing and trying to fix something I didn't cause. It is a relief to have this off my shoulders and heart. 

Life is good. I am blessed and happy every day. God gave me the best life and I'm so happy to be living the life I have. 

I'm trying to sell my trailer. I am going to upgrade to something bigger for is to both be comfortable together. If anyone is looking it's a 1997 sundowner sunlite. I want 10000 firm. It's really nice and perfect for someone to start with. 

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Happy and Sad

I find myself sad when I should be joyful. I have everything I have ever wanted. I live in the country, my husband rides with me. We have horses. I work enough but not too much. I have grown content with my life with Mike as my best friend and husband. I am missing having girlfriends though. I try really hard to just be happy coming home and spending my quiet evenings but I find myself periodically lonely and sad for girls to hang out with. 

I have made friends here but for many reasons we don't 'go Out'. Partly it is because of schedules. One is a newly wed with a strange work schedule. One is just kind of a homebody like me. Others are too young or too busy with kids or business. Like me, we get in our peaceful rut and just don't do stuff outside of home. I really am pretty much ok with this, in general. 

I have a fun packed weekend ahead. I am looking forward to it. However I still manage to stick my foot in my mouth. I want to just be accepted for who I am. I don't want to pretend. I want other friends like I am with my closest people. I am missing that girlfriend connection from my younger days. I suspect that what I want doesn't really exist in this world today. I am so grateful to have Michael but sometimes I miss having 'dinner and drinking' buddies. 

I have been feeling like this even in my riding groups lately. I don't know if I have lost my drive to compete because my life has changed so much or what is going on. Michael and I love to ride but I find myself wanting to have more laid back days. 

I have goals for the future. I want a little bigger trailer so we can travel more comfortably. I want to spend more time with Mike and just enjoy life. 

So with all this great stuff I have no room to be melancholy. I think that life is just hard and that some people are just mean. I think that when you are kind some people take advantage. I wish I could learn to protect my heart more. 

Sunday, April 2, 2017

God is Working

Today sitting here at church with the rain pounding the roof I feel so grateful to know our Lord. Things are happening in our lives that can only be explained as being the Lord's plan. Or lives are being enriched and blessings are being given to us that will enable us to in turn bless others.

I have never been much of an evangelist but I think I have found my niche. We have this awesome cowboy church and I can introduce them to Christ through the horse events. I so sad that I going to miss the arena Day because we will be in pole canyon. I have loved traveling but I'm starting to want to be here more. I want to be here in this community and be a part of it. Family Is more important than many Things I used to think mattered more. And it's not a sacrifice to do these things. I no longer feel like I missing out. The Lord has changed my heart in ways I never thought possible.

The Lord brought me the God fearing man I always prayed about having in my life. Our lives are moving in unison in His will. We are having peace, love and success that we never dreamed of.

I thank Rebecca, Michael's late wife every day for 'training' him well. And caring for him for so many years. He is such a wonderful husband and I am so grateful to share his life. Caring for him has become my gift from God to him so he can continue to love and care for others. I wish I could have known Becky.

Today's reading was 1 John 1-14.  Boots and saddle cowboy church in Gatesville, tx. The sermon can be found on the Facebook page where it is live every week. Notes to follow.

We need our neighbors to survive. God calls us to be part of our community.

God wants us to love the people around us whether we know them or not. What would happen if we got out of our comfort zone and loved our neighbor.

If we don't learn to love our neighbor no one will grow.

The biggest Things we can do Is to ask forgiveness and love our neighbor.

The one who says he is in the Light and yet hates his brother is in the darkness until now.
1 John 2:9 NASB

God help me to decide.

I did this just yesterday. Faced with a decision I did not want to make I prayed and the path became clear. It wasn't the answer I wanted but I was able to recognize that it was what I should do. And then I didn't feel loss from the decision but joy from hanging done his will.

When we do Things for others often we are the ones more blessed. Jess said When they did the fencing privet they cheated the people they we're fencing for because they came away more blessed.

This Is how Michael and I get after putting on our ride at cbar. Having the folks from special Olympics blessed us and all the riders way more than than they we're blessed. They gave us a common goal and we were able to give to them. We were far more blessed.

for we walk by faith, not by sight-
2 Corinthians 5:7 NASB

Wow, this is a verse for today. Mike and I have some decisions to make about some career opportunities. We feel like we are following the right path but it does mean we have some decisions ahead.

Sunday, February 5, 2017

My name is Alice and I'm a horseaholic

I have never been able to have "all" the horses I wanted. I'm not sure I'll ever have all the ones I ever wanted, but right now I have plenty.  We have 10 horses here.  I love telling people that I assess that I'm a cat crazy, dog crazy, horse crazy kind of farm girl.  Of course, I've only recently become a farm girl. Before that I was a wanna be, owned property but had no idea what I was doing farm girl...except for 5 years in the middle when I had a place, knew what I was doing, but couldn't always accomplish everything on my own, but needed to. I have been married to 2 men before Michael...One was a city guy who wanted no part of country living and the other loved country living until he didn't and then our marriage kind of went to hell (but we are good friends and have a gorgeous daughter so that's ok)

As I look out at the horses from my cabin office I think about how lucky I am.  They are all so gorgeous and I don't know who I would rehome if I had to...well, I do know, and one of them is on the "chopping block" so to speak, but of course, it's the one we can probably have no luck selling.

Of mine I will start with the oldest:

Freeley: given to me in 2005, he had many endurance miles before I acquired him and then went on to be one of Maggie's first competition horses and I competed him as well. He was retired in 2008 when his arthritis became to much and lived with my dearest friend Teresa Musgrave.  When I moved out to Woodrock ranch in the fall of 2015 I got to be around him again and when I moved to Flying T Ranch to live with Michael I brought him with me. He will be 27 in April but still has a lot of spring in his step and still gets ridden if I need a super beginner horse. I never thought he'd mellow this much, but I do think there is still a fire in his heart. He's a sweet and gorgeous boy who does not look his age.

Gorgeous Dixie, Maggie's first competition horse. She is supposed to be around 17 or 18 but the vet says she's likely in her early 20's. Still sound and willing to go, but mostly retired at this point. Her trot is so rough no one wants to ride it.  She keeps the boys hopping in the field b/c she is a total hussy.  We had hoped she would foal this spring but she did not get pregnant so no baby.  She is a horse that has never been completely tame but she will occasionally acquiesce to carting someone around...until she decides to take off trotting and that person has to hold on for dear life.  Mike rode her at Juggs this year and they did well together, except that she beat him to death.

Sherman: Technically he belongs on the Mike side of the whose horse is whose list, but I will claim him. He will be 19 this year.  He is a very solid and well trained TWH and he loves Mike.  He takes good care of him on the trail. He can be a real jerk at feeding time, but he's good with all humans. Recently he has been taking friends and beginners on very slow and steady trail rides, treating them kindly and like the passenger they are.  I am amazed how gentle he is with these people who he could dump in a heart beat.

Liberty: My competition horse who I love dearly.  He is my best equine friend and there will never be another like him. He's getting some much needed time off this winter, though I'm not sure he's totally down with it. He likes to go and be ridden.  Right now I'm looking at him through the window and he's hanging out by himself while Dixie, Freeley and Hermoso all eat hay.  Riding Liberty is like putting on my favorite jeans or riding boots. The fit is right every time. He is 15 currently and it's hard to believe I have been riding him 9 years. I think I have never had a horse this long as I look back at my horsey life. One thing or another always moved them along sooner.

Joe Bob...not his real name. He is a 12 year old TWH who was given to me by a friend of a friend and he is amazing. I was looking for a gaited horse to ride with Mike so we could match.  He is the horse you always dreamed of someone giving you that other people were given but not you. He is just so much fun to ride. He knows a lot and he has a ton of training but he's a little slow. You have to get him focused to get the most out of him. He's big and I had forgotten how cool it is to ride a big, big horse. He is the horse I will compete on this year in NATRC.

Hermoso...not his real name. He is a rescued paso fino gelding who came from FL. He is reportedly 11, but since I have not yet sent the DNA off we don't know for sure.  He is also well trained for the show ring, but is learning to go on trail. He is speedy and zippy and when I'm not terrified a ton of fun.  He was a stud not too long ago I'm told and he still commands Dixie as though he is a stud. He loves the women.  Yesterday Mike road him and they did really well. Mike is so much more chill than me they had less trouble. And a plus: Hermoso is short and Mike tall and he can mount from the ground.

Vandamere III aka Vandy...this may be the sweetest horse I have ever owned. He makes my heart so full of love. He never takes a bad step, he never gets upset. He has a cut on his leg and while I was hosing it today the dog jumped up to bit at the water and all he did was move over when most of the other horses would have kicked or stomped.  He's six and came from the kill pens...he was saved by Chandra Ward. He looks like a TWH but he doesn't gate. He does have an 8 mph trot that doesn't bounce at all. And his personality is so awesome...and the HAIR. Just a gorgeous sweet boy.

Mike has 3 horses:

Dixie: She's the one who is for sale, for something...she's part haflinger pony mare I think. No idea how old. She is broke to ride, but we don't b/c we have too many others. She's a little pushy.

Duke: Dixie's almost 4 year old soon to be gelding. He's stunning and we are hoping he will eventually be a riding horse.

Stormy: Duke's almost 1 year daughter from a mare who is no longer here. She's a cutie pie too and I'm hoping she won't look too much like her grandmother, but the older she gets the more hope I lose.

What I have learned is that feeding this many horses gets to be expensive...but who would I have give up?