Sunday, April 1, 2018

He is Risen

"And when they came unto the place which is called The skull, there they crucified him, and the malefactors, one on the right hand and the other on the left."
‭‭Luke‬ ‭23:33‬ ‭ASV‬‬

Jesus became the sacrificial lamb and the scapegoat for the world

 From Wikipedia In the Bible, a scapegoat is an animal which is ritually burdened with the sins of others then driven away. The concept first appears in Leviticus, in which a goat is designated to be cast into the desert to carry away the sins of the community.

Pilot thought he could save Jesus by having him whipped. He believed that the people would be appeased if he was whipped. He thought he could save Jesus from crucifiction. But the crowd was not satisfied and demanded Jesus be crucified. 

There has never been another man like Jesus. 

I started my Easter in a bad frame of mine. There has been so much family stuff going on that michael and I are tired of dealing with. I know I have come to be the bad guy and I'm just not. Michael is living the life he wants to be living and I am his wife and partner. I have in no way pushed or encouraged him to make the choices he makes now. People believing that I'm somehow behind it doesn't give Michael justice for the smart man he is. I had someone tell me that they didn't want to be in the middle. However they already heard the 'other side' so not being in the middle on,y means they've a,ready taken the other side. The whole situation is hurtful and has gotten old. 

Singing this morning did help my frame of mind but I continue to stew. Thinking about the thieves at the cross I'm realizing that this situation is a thief to our path. Michael and I know where we are going. We would love to have our family with us and share time with them but we also know that the Lord must dictate our paths and not the wishes on man. 

Michael spent his whole life in a loving marriage and he was devastated when he lost his wife to kidney disease. He says that he never knew that he could find love again and he's happy again. This is such a tribute to Becky. I appreciate her so much. She taught him how to be a loving husband. I just wish that we could share our happiness and our holidays with children who won't come to visit. 

Sunday, March 25, 2018

What we say matters —sermon notes

Proverbs 18:20-21
"With the fruit of a man's mouth his stomach will be satisfied; He will be satisfied with the product of his lips.  Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit."
We need to get our words to agree with the Bible not the other way around. Are we agreeing withGod or are we releasing death with our words. 

1. Value of words. Words connect us to God. Words are how we connect with God. 

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭18:21‬ ‭NASB‬‬

"If Christ is in you, though the body is dead because of sin, yet the spirit is alive because of righteousness."
‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:10‬ ‭NASB‬‬

"But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you."
‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:11‬ ‭NASB‬‬

"But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you."
‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:11‬ ‭NASB‬‬

""Therefore I say to you, any sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven people, but blasphemy against the Spirit shall not be forgiven. Whoever speaks a word against the Son of Man, it shall be forgiven him; but whoever speaks against the Holy Spirit, it shall not be forgiven him, either in this age or in the age to come."
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭12:31-32‬ ‭NASB‬‬

The next verse talks about how the tree is the heart and the fruit is the mouth.  

  ""Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or make the tree bad and its fruit bad; for the tree is known by its fruit.

But I tell you that every careless word that people speak, they shall give an accounting for it in the day of judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.""
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭12:33, 36-37‬ ‭NASB‬‬
What you say can send you to hell! You need to watch your words. It can send you to hell because your heart is hard (speaking to the Pharisees). 

The Holy Spirit that reveals to us that we need a Savior. When the Holy Spirot comes to you your heart will have become hard and you will go to hell

The unpardonable sin is not a sexual sin. It's the sin your commit with your mouth. We would not be seeking God if we had committed the unpardonable sin. 

"And inasmuch as it is appointed for men to die once and after this comes judgment,"
‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭9:27‬ ‭NASB‬‬

2. Words connect us to each other. 

"He who finds a wife finds a good thing And obtains favor from the LORD."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭18:22‬ ‭NASB‬‬

We connect with God and people through our words. Any time we have had a problem or a disconnect it has always involved words. 

Some people have a bad marriage because we are speaking death into our marriages. We have bad marriages because we have a bad mouth. 

"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself up for it; that he might sanctify it, having cleansed it by the washing of water with the word,"
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭5:25-26‬ ‭ASV‬‬

I feel so fortunate to have Michael. I'm so happy that we share a spiritual life. He cares for me every day. It has been so hard to learn to accept the help and yet I am so grateful for the help every day. I feel so blessed and I hope Michael feels as blessed. 

"Her husband is known in the gates, When he sitteth among the elders of the land."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭31:23‬ ‭ASV‬‬

We need to stop speaking death about each other and speak life into our relationships. 

The way to repair relationship. I was wrong, will you forgive me? The words that fail are: I need to ask your forgiveness. Most people just say that but never actually ask for forgiveness. 

Saturday, February 24, 2018

Making a change

I am once again realizing how hard it is to get people to see you the way you see yourself. Somehow I have left people with the idea that because I am gregarious that I am less business like.  What I find interesting is that I know people who are very least or more talkative than I am, but they don't  have the same reputation. 

I want to quit caring about how other people see me. I want to be the person outwardly I am inside. I don't like to feel uncertain of myself. I am actually pretty comfortable with myself but then when I exhibit my confidence and competence I end up running up against resistance. It's as though I am threatening when I'm confident and sure. I find myself wondering why people feel like they can question me about things that I know are correct. I don't mean normal dialog but actual confrontation when I don't have the same agenda. 

What makes one person more respected than another? I wish there was a class I could take to learn how to be more respected and for my words to carry more weight. Over the years I have grown quieter and quieter but people still find me to be overly chatty. After awhile I had to say that this is who I am, take me or leave me. Now I just need to learn not to care. 

Sunday, January 21, 2018

Today’s sermon notes—Who’s your daddy?

Pascal said God created man in his own image. And then we returned the favor. 

Be imitators of me just as I also am of Christ. 1 Corinthians 11:1

Who or what does your life say is your God?   For me it used to be horses. Or my animals. Since marrying Mike and coming to Boots N Saddles my heart has changed and I hopefully am more on track to be able to answer this question as Jesus. At least that's what I hope that people who know me would say if they spent time following me around. God first   Michael second and everything else after that. 

Exodus 19:18-19
Exodus 20.  The Ten Commandments. 

Our God is a jealous but just God. He wants us to only follow him with no other Gods. 

If the evidence points toward christ as the center of our lives then great. If not we need to reassess our lives and go from there. 

A good thing that has made it to the ultimate thing becomes a bad thing 

Romans 5:1. Therefore just was one man sin entered into the world, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned. 

John 5:19. 

In other news. 
Last night I had the oddest dream. I wanted to try to write it down here but it's so disjointed that I can't even explain it. But it ended with an escape and an explosion and I woke up with my heart racing. I only slept about 3 hours last night because my heart would not stop pounding. 

Wednesday, January 10, 2018

A problem with relationships

Kevin's sermon today. 

Matthew 7:12-The golden rule 
Matthew 7:7-12 sums up the law of the prophets 

Treat others the way you want others to treat you. We all fall short but this is the ultimate calling. It demonstrates our relationship with God if we treat others the way we want them to treat us. 

Matthew 23:22

Exodus 22:21 do not wrong a stranger or oppress him. For you were strangers in the land of Egypt. 

We have to look past the things people have done in their past. The last thing we want is for people to remind me of all the stupid things I've done in my past. It doesn't mean that we don't rebuke in the name of God but that should wait till we have all the info before we assume we know their hearts. 

Romans 8:7-8. 

Wednesday, January 3, 2018

Seasonal affective disorder

 I have had the feelings of overwhelming dread and stress for going on several days now. This is unusual for me and I do not welcome these feelings. Not that anyone does but I have this overwhelming sense of stress that I just can't shake. It only just occurred to me today that I am being afflicted with SAD or seasonal affective disorder. I'm sure that all of the days of clouds and rain and cold and being indoors have negatively impacted my vitamin D stores.   In my head I know all of this worry is ridiculous but in my gut I can't let it go.   

It probably doesn't help that Walgreens ran out of my thyroid medicine and did not bother to tell me. So, that by the time I found out that it was unavailable I had already been without it for several days.  Thanks to Gatesville drug company, who had some extra on hand, I at least have some for two weeks. I have learned that the manufacturer had a retooling of their plant and a slow down but that for whatever reason Walgreens did not know this or tell me this ahead of time so that I could obtain a new prescription prior to running out of medication. It has occurred to me that I should do business with Gatesville drug on an ongoing basis. 

 I had planned to start my new routine of days to see  cornets this week. Only sub freezing temperatures, the likes of which we have not seen in a few years, put us to a virtual hold on the ranch. Water froze, pipes froze, no showers or obtainable for several days. So today, on the first pretty day I finally got out to see people only to find that I had several pressing pieces of paperwork that had to be done yesterday. Work stress gets me because everybody wants what they want when they want it or before and I feel like I'm a hamster on a treadmill. 

There is just so much to do. I don't feel like I can ever get it all done. I want to climb in a hole and do none of it but of course that will just stress me out more. I do deep breathing. I use essential oils. I drink wine and other fine spirits. I exercise. Nothing seems to take it away. I partially blame how plugged in we are as a society. There is no escape. There is no peace or isolation. There is just being bombarded by demands all the time. I also blame my chosen line of work. Being self employed means flexibility in some ways, but it also means a lack of routine which I seem to crave more and more as I get older. I used to love being free but now I almost wish I had a place to go to work and some expectation of what each day would bring. 

I'm the cause if a lot of my trouble. I need to learn to tell people what I need more. I am guilty of feeling guilty when I don't take care of everyone before me. I must learn to say no and tell people flat out when I'm feeling bitchy. I don't have to spend each day trying to prove how nice I am. Sometimes I feel nice and sometimes I don't. I'm human. For the first time in my adult life I have people who treat me with the love they claim to hold for me. I don't have to prove it. I don't have to worry they won't love me tomorrow because they do. 

I need to learn to turn off. Some days it seems like the work just never stops. I need to learn to turn it off. 

Sunday, November 12, 2017

Difficult Times

I have had a common theme in my last few weeks. I have lost a horse, my favorite dog got hit by a car and I lost my little horse riding  sidekick. Why or how is too complicated, convoluted, and inconceivable to even write down. When I look back st the last few weeks I’m scarcely sure how I arrived here. Mostly I’m just sad because I’ll miss my friend. Then I’m sad because whenever I have given the best of myself and people turn it into the worst I find that to be incredibly painful and disheartening. I am human and I make mistakes. In this case my biggest mistake was being honest and confessing something I should not have confessed. I had thought that coming clean would allow a new beginning but it just fell under the category of TMI.

Throughout all this I have been called to love someone whose behavior I don’t like. Christ calls us to love the unloveable. Even though I am despised I still feel love for my sidekick and I try to look through the situation and love her mom as well. Despite the fact that I have been called names and labeled selfish and worse I’m going to take a moment to look at the facts. When I do this I know that I really did act out of love. I’m human and I’m fallible. I would change some things if I could. But there is no room to go back. Only to go forward.

In many ways life will be easier to go back to just Mike and me. He is the most precious person to me in the world and I love every moment we have together. I had just started putting myself back out there and making friends. Time to regroup and heal and then forge ahead.

I am going to knit.