Sunday, June 24, 2018

Whoever will call on the name of the Lord...

Shall be saved Romans 10:13

Never thought about the fact that no one was saved in the Old Testament did not have salvation. And we’re not saved because it was all before Christ. The only way to be saved is through Christ. 

"And it shall come to pass, that whosoever shall call on the name of Jehovah shall be delivered; for in mount Zion and in Jerusalem there shall be those that escape, as Jehovah hath said, and among the remnant those whom Jehovah doth call."

‭‭Joel‬ ‭2:32‬ ‭ASV‬‬

If we put everything on Jesus he will take care of us. 

This is where Max accused us of zoning out but I was taking notes. Honest! 

There are some people who are trying to get to heaven without ever touching first base. 

It’s been a rough week at the Perryman house. Not tough like a third world country where people are dying from starvation, but tough in a first world human problems kind of way. I have been finishing up a class in Perinatal Music Therapy. I have my final project about half done and have an idea of what I’m doing in the rest but it will take some time and concentration to finish. And I’ve picked up some more clients so that I can reach our goal of being out of debt by the end of the year. It may be lofty but I’m  going for it. 

As a result if this ‘hard work’ Maggie and I did something we haven’t done in years--we sat and played Sims 4 for an entire day. It was great fun, but I think all that screen time kept me up last night. 

Mike did actually have a hard day Friday. He has been trying to get back into the good graces (for lack of a better term) of his son and our daughter in law since about the time we met. It’s ancient history now but things didn’t go well from the first time we met. She decided she didn’t like me the first time she met me and he followed her. I’m pretty sure her parents don’t like me either. In the two years we have been together we feel like we have been sucking up and begging them to spend time with us and love us. Just last weekend we saw them for Father’s Day but we got stuck at the end of the table and the siblings and their families were very cozy and we felt like an after thought. This is pretty much par for the course and it doesn’t so much make us angry as it hurts and makes us sad. Mike was able to talk to his son about this on Friday and I have very little hope that we will ever find common ground. We each have things that the other has done that’s hurtful. Mike suggested that we set everything down and move forward. We have all been hurt and we can’t go back and fix it. However Mike didn’t feel like, based on their conversation, that we can see any changes. They are so entrenched in their anger and resentment that I don’t see how we can make head way. 

There was a song I felt compelled to sing today (and we did). It’s called Your Hands and it’s sung by JJ Heller. The words are below. When I felt the need to sing it I didn’t know why I would need it sung. 

I have unanswered prayers. I have trouble I wish wasn’t there

And I have asked a thousand ways That you would take my pain away

You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand How to walk this weary land

Make straight the paths that crooked lie Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking, heaven stands When my heart is breaking. I never leave your hands

When you walked upon the earth You healed the broken, lost and hurt

I know you hate to see me cry One day you will set all things right

Yeah, one day you will set all things right

When my world is shaking, heaven stands. When my heart is breaking. I never leave your hands

We also have some sadness about the little girl who used to come over and ride. Her mom has continued to fall apart and we finally had to walk away from the situation. Speaking with someone else who is part of the situation I have begun to pray for her again. I never really stopped praying but I have been praying about what our role needs to be in her life if anything. I don’t know how to help the child without being involved with her mother. 

Tuesday, June 5, 2018

Feeling guilty

I wish I could let go of feeling guilty or bad when I can't spend every moment with my husband.  He doesn't expect it. He knows I Have work to do, hobbies I like and that since I work full time I can't do stuff during the day like he does.  I think part of it is that I want to be with him b/c I just like being with him. But I am so far behind on the class I'm taking.  Then I get like today where I get up early to do my work and have so many interruptions and can't concentrate. It's almost time to leave for work now and I haven't accomplished much of anything :-(  He loves TV and I love quiet. I used to be able to multi task and watch tv and read at the same time, but that seems to have evaporated with age.  I have no reason to feel guilty because I know I have his full support.  It's just hard.

Sunday, June 3, 2018

Sermon notes 6/3

Are we willing to be hated to spread the word of God?

We should do what pleases our Lord and Savior no matter how it will be received in the world. We want to be the light of the world. We want to be genuine and not fake.

If we are not experiencing persecution at some level we aren’t doing it right.

At the very least we should be considered nice people. It’s sad when other people don’t think we’re nice. But niceness doesn’t have the impact on people we think it doesn’t.  People will think we are weird when we start sharing the gospel.

We aren’t here to edit the message. We are here to deliver the message. Many people want to take it easy non believers instead of giving it to them straight. I admit to being guilty if this. I want the world to like me and then I’m not the Christian I should be. I have avoided telling people about hell. I like people to like me.

The Lord is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. We are just his ambassadors. We should tell them the truth. There is nothing new about the gospel turning people off. It is also true that some people are dying to hear the gospel. 

Tuesday, May 29, 2018

Kind is the New Classy part 1

I have been reading this wonderful book called Kind is the New Classy by Candace Cameron Bure.  There are "study questions" at the end of each chapter and I find that I want to blog about them because I have been thinking a lot about this concept of finding purpose and being kind and having manners.

The first chapter is about finding our purpose as women.  She says to take cues from the past to figure out what we are supposed to be doing.  I know for myself, every time I question whether I'm in the right line of work I realize that my greatest joy is when I'm singing, especially when I'm singing to praise the Lord.  I also like helping people, so in many ways it's completely appropriate that I Have become a music therapist and a massage therapist.  I have been working for a way to combine these two loves and I think I have found it working as a Childbirth Coach and Doula. I have been taking a perinatal music therapy class and I have already taken a Music therapy assisted childbirth class. Even when I think about doing other things I do feel like I am moving in the right direction.

Edited 5-31.

After I wrote this a few days ago I had thought about it more. Even though it seems like this is a good and worthy cause for the future I realize that my real passion is it therapy. I need, it’s my job and I do it pretty well and I don’t mind doing it every day but it is it’s my passion. This morning while I should have been doing preparation for an upcoming music therapy session, I was in bed getting music ready for band practice tonight. So far my favorite thing I did today was to get music ready. I did eventually start working on my actual work and I got it. But I realize that even though it is not my job it is definitely what I want to be doing. I was so disappointed that this new client does not believe. It means I can’t use my favorite music.

PS 6/6

I continue to think about this and I wonder sometimes if I'm a very good therapist. I love the hospice work I do and I mostly love the other work, but right now, massage is way more appealing to me than music and I don't know why. Sometimes I Think that if I could do anything I wouldn't do music at all but I'd have a horse career, but then I think that I don't want to turn my hobby into a job. I also think that Mike and I would do really well in a sewing business together if we had a product that made enough money. I would really like a job where I could cook for people, but I'm not at all sure that's lucrative enough to even do. I think about my perfect job and it's just silly. I'd like a job where I set my own hours, could listen to books or movies while I worked but was still useful to others and did them a service. I don't think this job exists. 

Friday, May 25, 2018

I don't want to be in the middle

Disclaimer: This is a combination of many incidents where I have heard and/or felt these words and this emotional position. If it resembles you in a conversation with me than it may have happened. This is not an indictment of anyone in particular, just me ranting about all the bad things that have come out of society when these words get spoken.

I hate bullies.   Since I was a small child when I saw injustice I would stick up for the underdog. I was discouraged to do this by my parents, but it never stuck. I felt like I had the ability to dissect the situation and figure out who was truly at fault and who was being bullied and I didn't like it. One day, on the bus ride home from school a boy was picking on my brother. When we got off the bus this kid was going to fight him and slugged him and told my brother to run home. I was terrified I was going to be in trouble, but I'm guessing being slugged by a 3rd or 4th grade girl probably doesn't hurt much.

I feel good and worthy when I stick up for people...however I often get thrown under the bus by the "I don't want to get in the middle" people.  Most of the time people say this after they have stirred the pot or started a fire on one side, so they are already in the middle. They just don't want to stick up for the other side, or they remember how much they hate confrontation and back off. 

It seems to me that Hitler was a bully and look what trouble he caused.

I am a Child of God.  I don't like to fight with people, but I will absolutely get fired up and defend what I believe is right.  I'm not going to lay down and take people running over the top of me. I try to nicely set things up first, then I speak with more force, but don't be mistaken, I will fight back. I think that folks think I'm not going to fight because I get angry and then move on from my anger because staying angry just takes way too much energy. I believe that our enemy (Satan) gets a foothold every time someone says they don't want to be in the middle, or refuses to stand up for what is right. I'm even ok with an out and out argument if both people are fighting for what they believe in.  I believe that an honest exchange, even if it's an emotional exchange, will often bring good results if each party is able to express their feelings and thoughts in a constructive way. 

In any case, I'm taking a stress break tomorrow and Sunday and seeing some girlfriends I haven't spent time with since Michael and I married.  I need a break from several stressful scenarios that have played out this week. I'm hoping that a couple days with friends will be relaxing.  It will be weird though because I haven't camped away from Mike since we became a couple almost 2 years ago (June 11, 2016). He is totally cool with me going. In fact, he insisted.  Now, to do paperwork so I can relax this weekend...

Sunday, May 20, 2018


You know how sometimes you go through life be bopping along feeling like you are in the right path. You feel like you know where the Lord wants you to go and you're so happy that you feel almost silly with glee. For me, those are the times the rug seems to be yanked out from under me. I have always wondered if this happened because I had too much pride or got too cocky. Or if it happens because God wants me to go another direction and has to really get my attention but knocking me over. I still don't know the answer. I just know that it's in these minutes I feel heart sick and sad about events that transpire. I have also been questioning why people don't follow me when I lead. And why other people seem to thinking taking over is an acceptable solution when they aren't getting their way but have no actual authority. And none of this can ever be simple or easy because the person I need to lean on the most needs to be impartial. 

So I pray for clarity. I want to do what God wants me to do. No one said this would be easy. 

Happiness vs Pleasure sermon notes

John 10:14 I am the Good Shepherd. I know my sheep and they know me. 

It's much easier seeing other people who are heading toward something stupid heading toward them than we are at spotting our own issues. 

Usually with cowboys the thing we hear before things go wrong is "Hey watch this" crazy stuff. We should avoid these situations. 

John 16:33. I have told you these things so that in me you can have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take heart I have overcome the world. 

Peace equates to happiness. 

These situations build our character. God allows these things to happen in our lives to build our faith. The reason we often undermine our own happiness is not knowing the difference between happiness and pleasure. 

John 10:16. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come so that they may have life, and have it abundantly. 

Jesus is talking about ultimately  happiness and peace. Someone, not just the devil, is trying to steal our peace and happiness. Someone is always after our peace and happiness

Who in our lives has the greatest capacity to steal our future, peace, relationship?  The answer is us. We have the greatest potential to destroy our own future. We have to take responsibility. It's not everyone else's fault that things aren't going the way we want them to. It's my responsibility for letting my peace be taken away.  

People who are musicians are our worse critics...this is so true. Max called it. We constantly beat ourselves up because we don't feel like we're good at it. 

The common denominator in most things that have messed up is us. It's not anyone else. I Have been thinking about this a lot over the last few weeks. I have realized that many of my choices on what I spend my time and money has been the cause of my misery. I have only so many hours in a day and I need to be more choosy about where I spend my resources. I have been questioning the why of how things happen and instead I need to question my choices that I make for me. 

My pastors wife asked me if the people I was pursuing were Godly people. And they aren't. The people I have tried to chase down are not believers and they don't have my best interest at heart. 

The good shepherd died for us to have happiness.  

The thief doesn't want us to have happiness. Don't let Satan or other people steal our happiness. 

Sheep aren't bright animals. They are baaaaddd. Lol. God knew what he was doing when he called his people sheep. He's telling us we are our own worse enemy. 

We don't have to be believers to do stupid stuff.  

God intended for us to experience pleasure. Happiness leads us to pleasure. Pleasure does not always make happiness. 

Romans 6:16. Do you know if you offer yourself as a slave to someone else for obedience, you are slaves of the one you obey, either of sin resulting in death, or of obedience resulting in righteousness?

Sin leads to death in our relationships and other areas of my life. If we follow Jesus we will ultimately have happiness and joy. We are not to be obedience or enslaved to our past. We are enslaved by that pleasure if it's sinful. What is it we reach for when we've had the worst day possible? That may be pleasure that is sinful. I had to laugh BC the pastor asked us this question and I thought wine and horses. Or maybe gin or tequila. 

Is there a pleasure that is undermining my happiness, joy and peace?  Have we become a slave to that pleasure?