Sunday, May 6, 2018

The Great Commission sermon notes.

Matthew 28. The Great Commission 

People often leave the church or say they are not satisfied at church. 

Pastor believes that we will ultimately be judged by God of how well we fulfilled our job description. 

"And Jesus came up and spoke to them, saying, "All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth."  "Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit,". "teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.""
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭28:18- 20‬ ‭NASB‬‬

Disciple means follower. 

Personal note...I have been shying away from having people following me. I have been shying away from being a disciple. Wondering if this is a sign from God that I'm making bad choices. I'm not even talking about Christ. Just in general. 

Our job description 
1. Our church is to focus our, not in. The major reason we have had people leave the church is BC they have never understood that they should focus out.  Verse 19 doesn't say to only make disciples out of people we like. (Personal note...I have been doing this for awhile and have been experiencing burnout. Time to get off my tush). Our primary responsibility is not to come to church. It is to bring others to church. 

2. The disciples  of the church help people be and do. If you are a follower of Jesus and have not been baptized then you should be baptized. After we baptized them we should teach them all things Jesus. If Jesus says to do it. We should do it. It is a sign of spiritual maturity.  

3.  Our job is done through we not me. Jesus is with us always.  God shows up in a church fulfills their job description. It's not in the shear number of people. Jesus says let's do this job together. 

Jesus  has come into our heart so we can bring Jesus into other peoples lives   

Saturday, May 5, 2018

The sin of pride

I have been reading books about the Enneagram for a few months now.The first one I read was called The Road Back to You. It was a nice primer and I have recently bought a few more books on the subject but I am just getting started on. The one I am currently reading is called The Path Between Us by Suzanne's Stabile, who was also one of the authors of The Road Back to You.  

I have pretty much determined that I am what is called a two. Who is known by the word help her, give her, or as another author puts it, befriender.  While  I knew it was likely I could be at two to start with he did not really resonate with me until I began to dig deeper and found that who's are often called befrienders.  One of the authors of the road back to you says that when you find your type you will be uncomfortable with all the details that go with it. This was certainly the case for me. As I read the description of a two it reminded  of someone else in my life, actually a couple of someone's in my life that I knew were twos.  and they are people  I don't like very much. 

Every number has a deadly sin that goes with the good of the traits. There is no good or bad type there are only good traits and bad traits. The sin of the 2 is pride. This isn't pride like being proud of something exactly. This is pride of self, of feeling like we are good people, doing good things, when maybe we are not.  For myself I have been thinking about how I always wanted to get in the middle of things and "fix" things. I wanted to help, be useful and have people like me.  I think I did this because it convinced me that I should like myself.  Funny thing has happened over the last few months. Now that I have learned to like myself it hasn't been necessary to befriend every random person who comes along. I'm taking more time for me and my family and less time to run around helping and befriending everyone who I run across.  This has been a foreign concept to me in so many ways in the past. I'm learning just to sit still and a book, crochet, sew etc. Enjoy the quiet of a sunny afternoon in my office.

At first I thought that I was becoming more Introverted and going against my character. I worried that I was "depressed" and losing interest in things I had previously loved. I have come to realize that I don't need distractions anymore. I can just be.
Alice Perryman MA, MT-BC, LMT
Music Therapist
Massage Therapist

Tuesday, May 1, 2018

Shaken Faith

I have begun to wonder how I can be so happy and complete in my faith in God and in my husband and find myself doubting so many people in the world.  It seems like about the same time that I became happy in my private and home life, my faith in people sort of went out the window.  I remember Joel Osteen once saying that God will sometimes do this as an attempt to get us to look to him.  While I am not a huge fan of Joel, I found at the time that those words rang true at that time.

I find myself constantly questioning the motivations of other people and wondering what they are thinking or if they are thinking at all.  People I thought I was going to forge close relationships with have demonstrated in so many ways that they can't be trusted.  In some cases I have no idea what went wrong. In others I have a pretty good idea and honestly would not change the interactions I have had because their behavior demonstrates just how shallow they are. 

I find myself wondering why I have such a hard time speaking my mind when others are clearly being rude and breaking into my boundaries.  I know that it is because I do want to get along as much as possible, but that said, sometimes I really want to let them have it.  Recently I had a conversation with someone who was telling me how someone else felt about a situation.  I lost my temper and said that she could repeat...(well that's not really the point of the story) She then said to me that she wasn't going to put herself in the middle.  I didn't think of it till later but I should have said that she had already put herself in the middle by listening to their side.  She has been in the middle for a long time, fanning the fires of a negative relationship while pretending to be on my side.  In this situation I know exactly what went wrong, but feel like I made amends...of course after making amends I did tell her she was wrong about something factual (and she was--I googled it and talked to concrete sources) and I'm sure that didn't help. In some ways I hate that this relationship has turned out this way, but in others it has shown me that we weren't really friends at all since it took something so small to keep us from being close. And it makes me wonder what was said behind my back about me before I realized that she really didn't have my back. 

I often find myself just shaking my head in disbelief at people...this weekend I was at a competition with my horse and an experienced rider was telling one of the new riders who she could count on for help.  I had already offered my assistance and was standing there while she pointed out all the people this girl should ask for help.  After that lady had left I turned to the new girl and said that if she needed anything I had been doing this since 2002. Oh yeah and I Had a horse who placed top in the nation in my class in 2015..somehow a competitor who has been in the sport just a couple years was better suited...I don't know. I was gratified to find I did not care so much about the experienced rider as I have been in the past.  I really have just quit trying to get "In" with anyone.  These days I honestly just prefer to ride my horse, place when it happens, see beautiful scenery when I don't and enjoy these awesome days with my husband.

I do believe that God wants us to keep our eyes on him and it is sometimes hard to do. I feel resentment and sadness bubble up when I think about how hard I have worked at so many things to still be unappreciated.  It takes my natural instinct to be helpful and just squishes it down. 

I have been studying the Enneagram and have read a couple of really good books.  I have come to realize I am a 2 on the Enneagram and this is the Helper, The Giver or the Befriender...this is the one with which I most resonate.  The 2 wants to be friends with everyone and finding out that you can't be is really difficult.  According to the Enneagram 2's deadly sin is pride. This doesn't necessarily mean being proud of accomplishments, but pride in our ability to help/give/befriend. Some 2's give to get, and while I don't think I'm one of those people, I do have a lot of indignation and disbelief when people treat me badly "after I have done so much and treated them so well." I have Golden Rule Syndrome...I expect that because I am nice to others that others will be nice to me. Let me tell you it just isn't true. 

And then there are the people who dislike me for no reason that I can figure.  The ones that I want so badly to be close to for whatever reason, be they family or just cool people, and they just aren't my people.  There are a couple of these in my new, Perryman family.  I have done everything I can do to work things out with these folks and I have had to accept that this is not my problem.  I have written letters, praised them, encouraged and been friendly.  I have, in return, been snubbed and ignored and even bashed behind my back. Michael along with me and they are supposed to be people who should love him no matter what.  I don't even care if we are friends anymore, but I would at least like for all of us to be friendly.  I would like to be respected as an elder.  I have mentioned this in the past and was told that they would not "lie" about their feelings and treat me as though they liked me when they just could not.  Wow...I would never have been that way to my parent's friends and my elders. Even if I really disliked you...because it just wasn't done "back in the day".  I would so like to be able to sit down and converse with these people and just find a way to fix it. Sometimes I think that it's almost better just to start over than to rehash and that would be OK too.

So, yeah, this is a huge rant about all the crap that's been frustrating me lately.  I have been writing this post in my head for awhile and decided it was just time to say something...and I find myself hoping that the people in the stories know who they are...I would like to be able to have a conversation and make peace, but right now just having them know how insulted and frustrated I have been by their behavior is enough.  I had hesitated writing any of it down lest those folks wear it as a badge of courage that they have hurt or upset me. However, if they feel that way then it is definitely not my problem since I truly do want to just get along.  I mean, we could have a conversation and hash out some stuff, but I'm not sure there is anything to be solved.

All of these things were what made Mike and I think we wanted to live at the beach far away from everyone.  People have taken him for granted far too long. I believe a lot of the hostility comes from him having a life he's loving and somehow that's my fault. 

If you are still reading...Michael and I had a great weekend at the Pine Grove Giddyup in Leslie Arkansas.  Joe Bob wasn't too bad this time...he was good enough to be first in Novice Heavyweight, but not good enough to win sweepstakes, but hey, that's ok.  Mike is so good with him when he has his Joe Bob moments...yes I know you aren't supposed to describe a noun with itself, but it is really the only want to explain joe bob..silly horse. Vandy got sixth.  Mike got second and I didn't place in a class of really good riders. I don't care so much about the placings anymore, but I did find myself lamenting on several of the obstacles that they were ones that Liberty would have aced.  Vandy will in time. He's a great, comfortable, sweet ride and I had a wonderful weekend. The worst part is the driving up and coming home leaving us both exhausted today. I have been doing paperwork and promoting my massage biz on social media and working on my Perinatal music therapy class. In a little while I'm going to try to figure out why I can't get my DVR and my ipad to know, important stuff.

Jan Lear was at the ride too and she placed in her CP B class. I think she was fourth and her horse, Kairro was 2nd.  She was exhausted, but had fun.

Sunday, April 1, 2018

He is Risen

"And when they came unto the place which is called The skull, there they crucified him, and the malefactors, one on the right hand and the other on the left."
‭‭Luke‬ ‭23:33‬ ‭ASV‬‬

Jesus became the sacrificial lamb and the scapegoat for the world

 From Wikipedia In the Bible, a scapegoat is an animal which is ritually burdened with the sins of others then driven away. The concept first appears in Leviticus, in which a goat is designated to be cast into the desert to carry away the sins of the community.

Pilot thought he could save Jesus by having him whipped. He believed that the people would be appeased if he was whipped. He thought he could save Jesus from crucifiction. But the crowd was not satisfied and demanded Jesus be crucified. 

There has never been another man like Jesus. 

I started my Easter in a bad frame of mine. There has been so much family stuff going on that michael and I are tired of dealing with. I know I have come to be the bad guy and I'm just not. Michael is living the life he wants to be living and I am his wife and partner. I have in no way pushed or encouraged him to make the choices he makes now. People believing that I'm somehow behind it doesn't give Michael justice for the smart man he is. I had someone tell me that they didn't want to be in the middle. However they already heard the 'other side' so not being in the middle on,y means they've a,ready taken the other side. The whole situation is hurtful and has gotten old. 

Singing this morning did help my frame of mind but I continue to stew. Thinking about the thieves at the cross I'm realizing that this situation is a thief to our path. Michael and I know where we are going. We would love to have our family with us and share time with them but we also know that the Lord must dictate our paths and not the wishes on man. 

Michael spent his whole life in a loving marriage and he was devastated when he lost his wife to kidney disease. He says that he never knew that he could find love again and he's happy again. This is such a tribute to Becky. I appreciate her so much. She taught him how to be a loving husband. I just wish that we could share our happiness and our holidays with children who won't come to visit. 

Sunday, March 25, 2018

What we say matters —sermon notes

Proverbs 18:20-21
"With the fruit of a man's mouth his stomach will be satisfied; He will be satisfied with the product of his lips.  Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit."
We need to get our words to agree with the Bible not the other way around. Are we agreeing withGod or are we releasing death with our words. 

1. Value of words. Words connect us to God. Words are how we connect with God. 

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭18:21‬ ‭NASB‬‬

"If Christ is in you, though the body is dead because of sin, yet the spirit is alive because of righteousness."
‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:10‬ ‭NASB‬‬

"But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you."
‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:11‬ ‭NASB‬‬

"But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you."
‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:11‬ ‭NASB‬‬

""Therefore I say to you, any sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven people, but blasphemy against the Spirit shall not be forgiven. Whoever speaks a word against the Son of Man, it shall be forgiven him; but whoever speaks against the Holy Spirit, it shall not be forgiven him, either in this age or in the age to come."
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭12:31-32‬ ‭NASB‬‬

The next verse talks about how the tree is the heart and the fruit is the mouth.  

  ""Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or make the tree bad and its fruit bad; for the tree is known by its fruit.

But I tell you that every careless word that people speak, they shall give an accounting for it in the day of judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.""
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭12:33, 36-37‬ ‭NASB‬‬
What you say can send you to hell! You need to watch your words. It can send you to hell because your heart is hard (speaking to the Pharisees). 

The Holy Spirit that reveals to us that we need a Savior. When the Holy Spirot comes to you your heart will have become hard and you will go to hell

The unpardonable sin is not a sexual sin. It's the sin your commit with your mouth. We would not be seeking God if we had committed the unpardonable sin. 

"And inasmuch as it is appointed for men to die once and after this comes judgment,"
‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭9:27‬ ‭NASB‬‬

2. Words connect us to each other. 

"He who finds a wife finds a good thing And obtains favor from the LORD."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭18:22‬ ‭NASB‬‬

We connect with God and people through our words. Any time we have had a problem or a disconnect it has always involved words. 

Some people have a bad marriage because we are speaking death into our marriages. We have bad marriages because we have a bad mouth. 

"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself up for it; that he might sanctify it, having cleansed it by the washing of water with the word,"
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭5:25-26‬ ‭ASV‬‬

I feel so fortunate to have Michael. I'm so happy that we share a spiritual life. He cares for me every day. It has been so hard to learn to accept the help and yet I am so grateful for the help every day. I feel so blessed and I hope Michael feels as blessed. 

"Her husband is known in the gates, When he sitteth among the elders of the land."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭31:23‬ ‭ASV‬‬

We need to stop speaking death about each other and speak life into our relationships. 

The way to repair relationship. I was wrong, will you forgive me? The words that fail are: I need to ask your forgiveness. Most people just say that but never actually ask for forgiveness. 

Saturday, February 24, 2018

Making a change

I am once again realizing how hard it is to get people to see you the way you see yourself. Somehow I have left people with the idea that because I am gregarious that I am less business like.  What I find interesting is that I know people who are very least or more talkative than I am, but they don't  have the same reputation. 

I want to quit caring about how other people see me. I want to be the person outwardly I am inside. I don't like to feel uncertain of myself. I am actually pretty comfortable with myself but then when I exhibit my confidence and competence I end up running up against resistance. It's as though I am threatening when I'm confident and sure. I find myself wondering why people feel like they can question me about things that I know are correct. I don't mean normal dialog but actual confrontation when I don't have the same agenda. 

What makes one person more respected than another? I wish there was a class I could take to learn how to be more respected and for my words to carry more weight. Over the years I have grown quieter and quieter but people still find me to be overly chatty. After awhile I had to say that this is who I am, take me or leave me. Now I just need to learn not to care. 

Sunday, January 21, 2018

Today’s sermon notes—Who’s your daddy?

Pascal said God created man in his own image. And then we returned the favor. 

Be imitators of me just as I also am of Christ. 1 Corinthians 11:1

Who or what does your life say is your God?   For me it used to be horses. Or my animals. Since marrying Mike and coming to Boots N Saddles my heart has changed and I hopefully am more on track to be able to answer this question as Jesus. At least that's what I hope that people who know me would say if they spent time following me around. God first   Michael second and everything else after that. 

Exodus 19:18-19
Exodus 20.  The Ten Commandments. 

Our God is a jealous but just God. He wants us to only follow him with no other Gods. 

If the evidence points toward christ as the center of our lives then great. If not we need to reassess our lives and go from there. 

A good thing that has made it to the ultimate thing becomes a bad thing 

Romans 5:1. Therefore just was one man sin entered into the world, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned. 

John 5:19. 

In other news. 
Last night I had the oddest dream. I wanted to try to write it down here but it's so disjointed that I can't even explain it. But it ended with an escape and an explosion and I woke up with my heart racing. I only slept about 3 hours last night because my heart would not stop pounding.