Sunday, September 17, 2017
Friday, September 15, 2017
I find myself frustrated today. I have a lot of paperwork to do and I'm having too much fun to sit down and do it...no excuse it has to be done and it will be finished up some time over the weekend. It's not late and I'm not rushed. It's just a lot of papers.
I'm going to back to massaging next week and I'm excited and somewhat nervous about that as well. I am a little worried my arm won't work as well as it did to start with or I won't be able to do deep tissue, but I won't know till I try.
My paycheck didn't come again! I got one, but not the one I needed. This time it appears to have been because it got stuck in my out box, so my fault. I did ask them several times that week if they had received my fax with no response and the first two days of this week when I didn't get a pay stub I again tried to reach them but it wasn't till Wednesday that we figured out that there was a problem. They have sent it off to be processed and I may have it in the next two weeks, but this is totally not their fault. I just hate that this keeps happening. Lucky for us, Mike has a calf he is selling. We are so close to paying of a couple of tiny bills. I want to keep up the momentum. In a couple weeks we will be on top of everything again...and this is why I love working at Therapeutic Massage because when I have an unpredictable week I still get money :-)
Today I also lost a relatively new client. I had seen her only 3 times and thought we were doing great, but her mom called her case manager and told them to have me not come back. When I found out why, it didn't sound like she was complaining about ME except for one thing. She said I was only rubbing her daughter's back and not doing a full body massage. This has been true because the girl has been very hesitant, but then the last week was getting better and I was able to do her whole upper body. She also said that I kept changing our times, which wasn't true at all...I have only come at the same time three weeks in a row. She also said that I had told her when I came next week I'd have to bring my kids and leave them in the car which didn't happen either because I don't have any kids at home. As I write this I remember that we had one conversation about how I sometimes haul my horses to Killeen and have sometimes seen clients on the way home from riding so the horses would have been out in the trailer, Parked on the street, but I don't know how that would have mattered in any case...It is another case of me bending over backward to accommodate a schedule and getting burned. The funny thing is this same lady was feeding me KFC two weeks ago because she said I looked hungry...go figure.
When these things happen it sets up my insecurities so badly. I feel like I have screwed up even when I haven't...even when I know it's not my fault. There is a terrified part of me that worries my charmed life will end, or that I won't be able to make a living or pay my bills. It's really silly but it stresses me out to no end. I wish I could figure out why I have these gut reactions and why I pick up so much from around me that is left unsaid, but I "know" Sometimes I wish I could just be clueless to all the different pieces of input in the world.
Wednesday, September 13, 2017
Mike says he finds that I have a new level of joy and I think he's right. I have grown used to solitude and I'm actually quite ok on my own or seeing no one but michael for days and days. But this is fun. Having company come and finding my circle of horsey friends is so far n. I have gotten bad about feeling like I need to work all the time. Now I'm back to having fun.
Tuesday, September 12, 2017
Sunday, September 3, 2017
The top of the page asked me to put in a title. But I don't have one for this post. The last week has been filled with a cold, and upper respiratory infection, more free time than anyone person should have, a fabulous birthday party for my daughter and love for my husband. I stayed home from church today because this chest cold has really been kicking my tush. I have been coughing and sniffling but mostly just coughing. I didn't. It want to inflict that upon anyone. That, with the lack of voice I have from singing too loud with carbon Leaf just made it better to stay home.
Carbon Leaf...what fun they are. Maggie and I have loved their music since 2007'or before, ever since another music therapist mentioned them to me. The love has on,y grown through the years. We have gotten to see them twice and plan to go next year for their 25th anniversary tour.
Wednesday, August 9, 2017
Sunday, July 23, 2017
My life needs to belong to the Lord. It has to be about the future. We just found out our pasture is leaving us in a month. I have no idea who comes next but I am unbelievably sad. Jess McCabe has brought me back to church. Well, michael did but Jess has inspired me with his words and filled my heart with His word.
My life has gone in a new direction and continues to take me on a new path but sometimes I still miss those old friends and wish they would come back.