Monday, September 5, 2016

Playing games

I have two swirling thoughts today that may or may not go together. The first is this Bible Verse from Leviticus 19:18

You shall not take vengeance or bear any grudge against the sons of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord.

I have some people I'd like to take vengeance on hehe. I know I'm not supposed to and I'm struggling with this today. Yesterday at church Jess said that the enemy will put in front of us the thing that we struggle with, so here it is...

But, while not bearing a grudge or passing judgement does that mean we are supposed to just roll over and "take it". I don't mean all out warfare, but isn't just sitting the person you have the problem with down to talk better than knowing the problems are being hashed out in the shadows?  I feel like it is.  I don't mean fighting, though sometimes clearing the air does lead to a fight. Sometimes clearing the air means understanding that you aren't going to work it out. It may mean situations can be salvaged or it may mean you accept that there is no fixing it.

I know some people find confrontation and directness to be uncomfortable. I hate being confronted when I've done something wrong and feel like I'm in trouble, but at the same time I find it cathartic to have a resolutions and closure even when it's not the closure I originally had hoped for. I'm learning that not everyone feels that way. Many people just find it easier to turn away, stop talking and tip toe into the shadows.  I'm learning that if someone has that comfort level, that is often what we "nip it in the bud" types have to accept as well.. No matter our good intentions we can fix every situation. We can't make everyone like us or accept us. We can't always have a positive outcome.  While this makes me sad, I am learning to accept these facts without holding a grudge, but I do always hold sadness for those people I have lost.

Soon I will be starting a whole new adventure. I find it hard now to continue walking in my old path with the new path so close at hand.  My wedding is November 26 at Bluff's going to fun and casual. I hope people bring their horses and ride and hang out.  It's BYOB and bring appetizers and desserts and just eat drink, dance, spend a few minutes getting us married and then continue to play.  I can hardly wait.

Leaving my house at Teresa's is going to be really hard because I love it so much.  However I'm sure that someone else will love it and take care of it after me.

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