Wednesday, September 14, 2016

The Last Year

Today I have been contemplating all the changes to my life in the last year. I have been thinking about who I was when I was going, who I was a year ago, who I am now and who I will still become. I have been thinking about all the support I have had to arrive in this location. However I have also been thinking about the friends I have lost and the people who have been hurt by me. I'm grateful for the first and saddened by the latter. I do wish I could be the person I have become without the losses. I also know this is not possible.

Well there went a well thought out paragraph that vanished Because I didn't save properly. Maybe it wasn't supposed to be shared.

A year ago I was preparing to move out and start anew life. I don't think I did it the right way. In fact on the other side I'm sure I did not do things at all well but in the thick I needed to make a move And make changes. After struggling for years it was time to move on. The continued fallout surprises me because I truly thought the feelings we're mutual and it was necessary for one of us to move forward. I still don't think there was ultimately another answer.  I foolishly believed that we could move forward with no backlash but I now see that isn't the case. I miscalculated. I hurt more people in my miscalculation. I am paying attention now.

I originally wrote this on Sept 14. I just thought I had more to say and hadn't published it. Today I realized it was complete and ready to go.

This year has taught me a lot and I am not for a second sorry I took my steps forward. I thank the Lord that things happened in my life the way they did or I would not be where I am now. I love the rascal flats song 'bless the broken road'  I feel like it is exactly how I got here and I praise the Lord for the bad times that led me to this time in my life.

2 comments:

Val said...

Late on reporting that I managed to power-walk through my first 5K in almost 3 yrs in a blazing 50 min... Ha!
But at least my foot hardly bothered me at all, so the only other thing I need to add into my training plan is swimming.
Turned out I placed roughly halfway in my age group (50-59), like 16th out of 38 or some such.
Prob gonna do Jingle Bell Run 5K which is mid-December.
Unfortunately I don't see us being able to come to the wedding with all the other family activities over Thanksgiving weekend, sorry!
I had to sacrifice my Armadillo ride last weekend for my aunt's 90th BD; I tried not to think about it too much because it meant so much to her.

Alice Perryman said...

I haven't even been able to train. My lungs have been screaming the entire month of october and I'm still coughing. Good for you on the races. I think at this point I will just limp along until I get myself moved.