I'm sick for real--Wednesday update

After fighting it all week believing from moment to moment I was feeling better, I decided to go to the doctor. By the time I went in I was sure that I was just making it up and I didn't actually need to go. But, the doctor said I had a fever, my asthma was off the charts and I should be there, so I guess it's good I went. He gave me four prescriptions, a shot of steroids, a breathing treatment and the admonishment to come back in 10-12 days to make sure my ear infection (I haven't had an ear infection since I was a kid) was under control.

I also am to take tomorrow off. I have been avoiding taking off tomorrow b/c it's my Springtown music therapy day. I needed to buy grain and I needed to work tomorrow. This mean that I have to make up the day in a few weeks, which I hate doing! I keep thinking I can have a real schedule and see everyone on time and it's just not happening. GRRRR. I sent Springtown my doctors note. I'm blogging about it. Hopefully, they'll KNOW I'm not a faker. I even downloaded music and made some cd's today, anticipating not being able to sing tomorrow, but I guess I'll have that for next time.

And there are still rumors circulating that Deli is still lame. I'm home sick, so I can't prove it one way or another, and Cat says she looks fine. It's so stressing me out. I don't know if I am in denial, if there's nothing wrong with her, but Nicole is seeing things, or if she's always looked this way. I just don't know. She's fat with the baby, so her rear end looks weaker than usual. I suppose it could be changing her overall balance. I just know that a month ago Deli was Nicole's favorite school horse and now she's not and there is not reason for her not to be ridden. I used her 10 days ago and she looked great. She's still a little gimpy on her front right, but tons better after the shoes. I even called my vet in a state of paranoia, who reassured me of what we found that day. She said that since she's been laid off for the last month she's likely to not be as strong as she was when she was ridden every day. So, the only way to get her over the weakness is to ride her and make her strong again.

Tomorrow I will sleep in and do as little as possible. I have watched all the TV I want to watch. I want to read my book Blessed are the Broodmares, but I can't find it. I have stuck it some place and can't find it. How annoying!

Maggie is spending the night at Cat's (I think) but may be coming home. I can't call b/c both their phones have dead batteries, so I just have to wait for someone to tell me they are somewhere. Maggie was jumping Joe in her new saddle. She told Cat it felt weird and she isn't sure she likes it...oh well.

I'm still sick

Peter came home and told me that he feels bad too. I told him he wasn't allowed to be sick b/c it was my turn to be taken care of and if he gets sick then I end up taking care of both of us. I said this tongue in cheek, but there is some truth in it...It seems like every time I get sick, he follows suit. I'm sure it's that he gets my bugs, but it's so inconvenient when we are both sick. Just once I'd like to be the only sick one in the house and have someone take care of me! I'm really not trying to sound hateful, but I know, reading my own words it sounds really hateful. I just want the chance to be pampered and cared for occasionally...

I'm so tired of being sick. I feel terrible and I want it to go away! I'm not sure I'm going to be ready to go tomorrow. I need to go back to work, but I feel so crummy. It may be time for a doctor.

I have to get out tomorrow. I have to pay for the farrier and I need to see a few clients. I just don't hardly have the energy to move. So, I guess I'll make tomorrow a light day and just do what is necessary and no more. I have to go to Springtown on Thursday. I so need some new material. I'm bored with myself and my music strategies. It's time for something new.

I'm sick

I have that cold I've been avoiding. I have really been lucky and stayed healthy, but now I'm sick. I started getting sick on Thursday last week, but I didn't start to feel really bad until I was on my way home last night from the CTR. I canceled all my activities for today and for tomorrow. I'm going to stay in and just try to feel better. I even was lucky enough to have someone bring Maggie home and they are picking her up before school tomorrow. Tuesday will be a similar day and I hope to sleep and watch TV for most of it.

Maggie did great at the CTR. She came in 5th again (well I guess that's really last, but she doesn't care) She and Brody had a great time. She's going to ride him again in two weeks at the next CTR. She and Jena had so much fun riding, swimming and just playing with the other kids. It was a good w/e, even though I was sick.

I discovered that Freeley is really not suited to riding safety. It made him nuts to have follow and never catch the last rider in line. He wanted to catch up and while he was never uncontrollable, he wasn't really good either. He kept trying to get up the next riders hindend and was only happy once they were truly gone for good. On the other hand, I rode him alone for one of the first times ever and he was fantastic. It was so nice to have my buddy out there on the trail. I found that I enjoyed not talking, just riding and enjoying the day.

We brought home a little puppy for the day for my friend Karen. Her son picked her up this evening and Maggie is still missing her. She was cute, a little miniature pincher. She will be for my friend's son 's birthday. She was a lot of fun and my big guys were actually quite nice to her. I was very surprised they were so good. Frankie wanted to play, but I kept a close eye on him.

Hopefully I'll get to feeling better and be back to riding by Wednesday. I need to play with Liberty some more.

Nicole said she had Deli out today and that she looked lame and wouldn't track to the left in the round pen. I wasn't there, so I don't know what was going on, but sometimes she's just ornery that way, so it's hard for me to know. I'll hopefully get her out on Wednesday and see what she's doing and if there is really a problem or not. I don't know what I'm going to do with Maggie's broken heart if that mare doesn't get sound eventually. I can already see myself pulling away from her in preparation for the tragic reality. It's not fair to Deli b/c she might be OK eventually, but it breaks my heart so much to see my animals in pain I suspect I do it to save myself hurting when they have to leave me.

Well, off to bed with me. I'm pooped and still coughing.

A Brief, free moment

I am in between activities for the moment and just want to sit. I have read my email, should start on supper, need to start packing the truck for the next great adventure. I keep hoping for a completely free weekend to just sit and enjoy the cooler weather...only it hasn't gotten cooler and I'm just too darn busy.

No word back yet from Crowley. I'm not going to contact them again. I have enough work to do and I will do it well and hopefully not be overly stressed. I'd love to have the paycheck and if they call me I will go, but I also like the idea of being able to clean my house and just be alone sometimes. Right now I'm not home except when everyone else is...which is why I'm just sitting here with my random thoughts for a few minutes.

I have papers to write, assessments to do shortly too, so this will be short...unless I keep procrastinating.

I worked with Liberty last night when I ran out to the barn. I went b/c Nicole had called to tell me that she couldn't get Deli's feet cleaned. Turns out it was just the pads that the farrier put in the shoes, not the hard clay she thought it was. I caught Liberty and longed him in the round pen. I worked on him giving his head to the sides and tried to teach him to disengage his haunches. Either I don't teach that so well (likely) or he doesn't like to do it. He almost reared up when I put pressure on him, but I popped him and asked for the disengagement again and after that he seemed to understand. He actually longes better than he disengages, which is interesting. Most younger horses learning to longe just move their butts over in my limited experience.

Maggie went out to play with him today. She sent me a photo and he was in the barn which likely means that he pooped everywhere. I like him, but I'm still not sure. Too tired tonight to be too excited!

OK, back to the trenches.

So Tired today

I have slept almost all day today. I got up, took Maggie to school and then went to the grocery store. When I got back from the store, I did paperwork and lamented that I had to see clients all afternoon. I ended up rescheduling one of the clients. The other one never called me back...at least not till I had fallen asleep and couldn't be reached. I slept 3 hours today and feel like I could go back to sleep any second.

Tomorrow is a springtown day. I have a lot of paperwork to do this week too. I'm just so pooped. I don't know why except I think it could be all the ragweed. My asthma is wearing me out.

Working with Liberty

I had about a half hour to work with Liberty today. He still isn't getting into the herd, but they were coming by him closer and talking to him a bit today. They let him eat and drink without incident so that's not a problem.

It was hot and I was having trouble focusing, so I kept it short and sweet. I worked him in hand on the longe and over ground poles and cavelletti. I also worked on teaching him to move away from pressure on the ground sideways. He was great from the left, but was clearly clueless about handling him from the right. He tries very hard to please, but he didn't know what I wanted him to do at all. I need to work with the dressage whip as well so I can give him better cues on the ground.

He was jumpy today, looking for a herd of horses to be friends with and calling. Another boarder had her horses out and rode off and he called after them for a little while, but when the other horses didn't call back he went back to work. I tied him to the trailer and brushed him and tried some saddles on him. Maggie's english wasn't the right size on him, so off to ebay it goes. My western was a little big, but not bad. Her western seems ok too. He didn't seem small to me at Karen's, but he does at home since I've been riding Freeley.

I won't get to see him tomorrow, but I hope that I can get on him on Wednesday afternoon.

I'm still not sure about long term. He is a beautiful horse and I like him a lot. I can't say I love him yet, but I have always been a fan of waiting to see. I know that I am being logical. Deli looks better than I expected when I began this journey with this horse. I'm torn b/c I think he will be fantastic and I'd like to work with him, but I worry about what I'd do if this time next year I have 5 horses. I didn't have 5 horses when I had 15 acres that was just mine. What if something happens at Jackie's or she started making me pay what she charges now every month in board...I have it sweet, and I know it, but I can't imagine paying for all of them full price. Anyway, it's a lot to think about. I don't want to let Karen down...I know Peter would really rather I not do this venture. It's a lot of responsibility and I will have to look to God for guidance.

Rejection

This is a rant...if you don't wish to read my rant, skip this post now.

I experienced rejection today. I hate rejection. I have a client I've been seeing for both music and massage therapy since May. I didn't feel like I was a good music therapist for him and discussed it with his mom last week. We both agreed that he needed a different music therapist. He hits me when he doesn't like what we're doing. His mom says that I don't hold his attention. It's Ok, I don't mind as I'm tired of getting beat up on. However, we did agree that he likes my massages and I'd keep doing that. I got an email today from the agency with a note from his mom saying that she wanted a different massage therapist, one who was punctual and could keep the same schedule each week. I was so angry since I do go the same time each week and I have been on time or early most weeks...She is the one who is inflexible. A few times I've been to their house early before they get home from where they are. It seems to bother her that I don't like her son hitting me. All in all, I'm really relieved that I don't have to go anymore, but what upsets me is that she had to blame me for her preference. If she had told the agency that she doesn't like me and wants a new therapist, that wouldn't bother me near as much as her making her preference my fault. She's not able to just say "I don't like Alice and I want a new therapist" she has to tell the people I work for that I am inadequate.

Why do people do that? why can't people just be honest. She and I sat and talked for a good 20 minutes the other night. She had plenty of chance to say: I want a new therapist. I could have gone to the agency and said: she wants a new therapist. It seems like it's really all about power with these folks. They not only want to dump you, they want to look like they've been wronged in the process.

I've been over the conversation trying to figure out when the conversation from happy to sad happened. I thought we were bonding over a conversation in the dining room, and she was evidently deciding she didn't want me to be a therapist and concocting a story for my demise. The agency has told me that people change their minds about their therapists all the time, so that it's usually nothing personal. And, I have stated above that I don't actually like this family anyway...I just don't get why they had to lie about the reasons they don't want me as a therapist. Sigh.