I am having a bad day. I have a terrible cold and now it's starting to drain. Tomorrow I am supposed to go camping so I can compete on Sat. in the last of four STC rides with Maggie. Liberty and I are in fourth place overall...not b/c we have great scores but because we have gone to all the rides and done "ok" in all the rides. I haven't had a cold in a long time...wish it had waited a little longer.
Then I was dismissed by one of my favorite clients for unreliability. She is partially correct, though we have been equally unreliable. The last couple months have been hit and miss at best, BUT it's not entirely my fault. She's been traveling, she stood me up three times. She went on vacation three times. But I had to change my times a couple times (actually in an effort to accomodate her schedule) and then we had illness...It just really bothers me that I thought she and I were on the same page and we were fine. They actually met last week and decided to discontinue massage (possibly altogether--not just me) and she made 2 other appointments with me which I was then stood up from. I guess I should be angry instead of hurt, but I liked her so much that I am bummed.
I know that I have not been taking my work seriously enough. I feel swamped all the time, but yet I don't work hard enough, I don't put in enough hours. I just can't seem to get my workload up to earn the money I am potentially able to earn. Maybe I just am not a good mom, worker, etc. Maybe I need to accept that there is only so many hours I have in me and take care of my family first. It's why I became a massage therapist in the first place. I'm upset because I gave up one of the nursing homes because I had so many contract hours and then some of them have dropped off. I have lost one more hour at springtown because of how the kids are recombined and i have lost a contract hour. Of course, I'm making more money than I did working full time for a number of years, so I guess it's not all bad. Maybe this is a blessing? I just hate being let go.