Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Praise you in this Storm

Casting Crowns Praise you in this Storm

I heard this song for the first time on Sunday during Church at the Boots and Saddle Cowboy Church in Gatesville, TX.  I wish I had heard it before Sunday because there are so many times that I could have used it over the last few years. Of course I have had other songs during times of trial but this song has really been a comfort this week. (Plus, I just love Casting Crowns)  Jess McCabe, the minister of the church told the story of how it was composed...A mother was in the hospital watching her son die and was literally praising God as he died. How powerful is that? Your child is dying, one of the worst things that can happen to a person but you are still praising God and his goodness.

Since I have been seeing Michael I have rediscovered my joy of attending church and being part of a church body.  Unfortunately because of travel schedules I have only gotten to go three times in the last 3 months, but it has been great.  I have been attending church at rides since beginning to ride NATRC in 2002, and it has been great. Interspersed had been attempts by Maggie, Peter and I to find a church home, but he and I had such diverse feelings about what type of church service we liked that it was difficult.  Because churches are made of humans sometimes working the maze of personalities and power play can be difficult and I can admit to finding it easier to just not go sometimes.  I had my NATRC church and my TTC church so it was enough.  I read my Bible, I prayed daily (Hourly) and read books about scripture, so I was never without God.  I was raised in a church and was a regular attendee through college.  I always longed for a marital relationship that made church a part of the relationship. It's such a joy to finally have that happen.

When things are going to easily in my life I admit to waiting for the other shoe to drop...I guess it sort of dropped yesterday.

I know you can't please everyone, but sometimes I find some people are just determined not to like a person.  For the most part everyone I have met has been so nice and so pleasant and so happy for Michael. My friends have been happy for me as well with the standard "take you time" caveats that we all give our friends whenever we see them driving head first toward a moving train.  I feel like those are part of loving your friends and are to be applauded and appreciated. But what about the people who have decided to not like a person from the beginning. What do you do to fix that or make it better and can you ever really?  And What do you do about the people who share personal items they should not in the name of saving a friend?

I am a good person. I have not always had things go my way and i have made decisions I wish I could go back and erase, but I am a good person. I am honest, I am loyal and I follow through (most of the time...sometimes I get a little too much on my plate and have to cry uncle).  I have never even had a conversation with any of these people and they have decided they dislike me.  It has sucked some of the joy out of my day and that's exactly how we need to bring people to Christ right? By sucking their joy and showing them how bad they are?  I know that I am a sinner. I know I have not always made the choices. However I feel strongly that some of those bad decisions have been character building experiences which have shaped me into the adult I am. I also believe that God is blessing me in this relationship.  Michael has pointed out to me that the flip side of wishing I had not made so many bad choices is the knowledge that every bad choice brought me here to this place to be with him. I believe that's true. I believe he and I are meant to be together. I believe that we will get married sooner than later.  It would just be so much easier if there weren't haters and detractors.

So, I will continue to pray and read my Bible and go to church and hope that the people who see me as one walking red flag can see that I am not. Sometimes life happens to us and sometimes we are in charge. Many of my bad choices were the former when I should have been the latter.  I feel like a butterfly who has finally come out of her cocoon. I just wish others could see the butterfly and all the amazing colors and not the nasty worm that I come from.


Tracey said...

Don't worry about what others think of your relationship. Sounds like YOU know it is right and is what you want and anyone that can't respect that (even if they disagree with it) is not worthy of your time. I haven't met Michael, but my judgement from here is that he is making you happy and that makes me happy. You can't ever please everyone. God is using those negative people to help you focus in on who really does care about you.

Alice Steinke said...

It's not that I worry. it's that I hate they can't share in our joy. thanks friend.

Alice Steinke said...

It's not that I worry. it's that I hate they can't share in our joy. thanks friend.

Val said...

It's been a long hard lesson for ME to learn, even though it's short n' sweet:
"What others think of me is none of my business".
I'm just going to conduct myself with the highest ethical standards of which I'm capable at the time (extenuating circumstances may apply ;-)
Right now I'm struggling with my BIL who persists in NOT speaking to me (I'll fill you in later - visiting the in-laws now!) but fundamentally it is HIS problem not mine!
I'm happy for ya darling...