On being a bully

As anyone who reads this and I’ve been having a crisis of spirit lately. I was called a bully or at the very least I was told that I bully my way into situations where I am not wanted.I have been thinking about all the situation and include the person who said this and I can totally see it from her perspective. But, the reason I was "bullying" was frequently because of dishonesty on the part of the other person.  This has happened with more than one person so I know that it is in part because of my inability to read social cues accurately.  

When someone gives me an excuse or a weak, in my opinion, reason for doing or not doing something I become a problem solver.  I see those as obstacles be overcome more than I think about them as reasons a person does not want to do something with me. I have never thought about this as being a bully more than I have thought about it wanting to accomplish my goal. I personally feel like in today’s world people remain completely superficial and unwilling to open up their hearts and minds. So a ‘soft’ no is really a no not an obstacle and I definitely don’t always see that.  People do not like honesty anymore. They want to hear half truths or excuses because truths are painful. I know that in this situation I have learned a lot about honesty and dishonesty. I have observed how mistakes are made when people do not communicate clearly. I can look back and see now how my behavior was interpreted even though it was never my intention. 

This is a long reaching looking to the past. I think about all the times people have a sered me dishonestly or canceled last minute BC they never intended to follow through. I think about being told they don’t want to do a certain thing only to figure out it was me they didn’t want to do it with. I think about all the people who have been nasty behind my back but how I extended grace and played dumb anyway. 

There is no way for me to change any of it, but only to take the knowledge and move forward. I also know that because of the situation I am way less likely to reach out in the future. I’m more likely to try less hard to connect with people. I am also more likely to be more sensitive and honest with people I am dealing with.