Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Contemplating and Introspective

I have so much to do...I never feel like I am finished. if I am not seeing clients, there is a house to clean, paperwork to do, a child to hang out with...not to mention a husband. there are the horses, who I love, but right now seem to be time suckers all on their own.  I think about getting down to 2 horses (Maggie is taking Dixie to Azle in the fall) and then I think a lot about why I should keep one or the other. Liberty stays...but I really could stand to sell Fiera.  I have listed her and talked her up, but no takers.  I spend way too much time thinking about all the choices I need to be making and still find myself unable to move forward in these choices.  Each little change makes so many ripples and they end up being big changes and not small changes. 

Maggie is moving in with her dad to go to High School in the fall. She wants to try public High School and she wants it to be in Azle since it's a small town. I don't blame her. Arlington has crappy schools and gangs and Azle is a much better choice for a slightly sheltered, independent teen.  She can get around by bike until she can drive in another year and then she can safely drive around a small town. Dixie is going to move to a stable about a mile from her dad's house and she will be able to ride her bike or maybe even get the school bus to drop her off in the afternoons.  While I'm ok with her living with her dad, I do find myself wondering what my new role will be in her life. It's stressful not knowing how it's all going to play out.

I feel like I'm working all the time. I haven't had a vacation in years. Maggie and I go ride and those are nice little vacations, but we have never all three taken a family vacation like I did growing up. There are lots of reasons we don't' go...part of it is that Peter doesn't really like to travel and then when he does want to travel he doesn't want to go anywhere I want to go (he wants to visit Boston and I would like to go to Hawaii for example). I end up traveling with the horses or to educational events, but he would rather stay home than join me on those ventures. At home there is always something that needs to be done.

I need a real break...maybe I need for Peter to take a trip and Maggie and I could go to the spa for the week, lol. Or they need to take another trip like they did at thanksgiving and leave me for a few days...only this time I won't work the whole time.

In any case, there are quarterly reports to write, an office to put away (rearranging has left my room a mess) and t-shirts to embroider.  I won't be getting a real break tonight :-/

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