After spending kind of a weird and melancholy day yesterday I am in a much better place today. I have the opportunity to work with a local massage therapist doing a couples massage and I went to town crabby became how much happier. I'm not really sure why other than being able to help someone else feel better and spend time with another person always improves my mood especially if the person is as pleasant as Audrey, the other massage therapist.
I was, for the most part embracing the lonely day on Saturday, knowing that my daughter was going to come visit today. However last evening she called and said she'd be unable to make it because her truck is still in the shop. I confess this made me pretty sad. I need some help working on things that take two people and there's the fact that I had bought tequila for us to make watermelon soaked margarita whatever's that we found on Pinterest. Of course they were for me, because Maggie doesn't drink. ;-). After her call I admit to being pretty sad and feeling lonely and kind of sorry for myself. However, I pulled out my yard and started working on the next row my project and my mood did improve pretty quickly. After all, it's not as though she didn't want to visit. I had made ice cream for us to eat. I doubt I'll be any left by the time she gets here but it was a healthier low-carb version of ice cream. So she might not like it anyway. It has strawberries and a banana,which you don't taste, and coconut milk just a tiny bit of Stevia. Only has 200 cal, which I consider to be a huge win.
When I woke up this morning it was almost 9 o'clock. I can almost never sleep past six or 615 because Bailey typically needs to go outside early in the morning. She has been having a bladder leaking problem so last night I left her outdoors so I wouldn't have to worry about her leaking on my furniture, my floor, my bed, or me. I also thought if she was having issues having to P she could do it outdoors. I probably need to run her to the vet. This is something that is happened before but not recently so I'm not sure what's going on. In any case, I made coffee and flipped on the television. It just happened that Joel Olsteen was on the TV.
As a rule, I don't watch television ministers. They typically do not interest me and I tend to be a little suspicious of anyone who is that popular with that many people in one location. Looking at the mega churches on the television makes me feel like the minister is really a rock concert artist or performer of some type rather than a man of God. I know that Joel has lots of detractors as well as people who like him a great deal and I'm not expressing an opinion about that one way or the other because I don't know. However, this morning he has a message for me I needed to hear. He said if you find that peopleare vacant from your life maybe it's God telling you that you need to turn to him. I have definitely been recently guilty of trying to fill the holes in my world with other people. I have felt a huge shift in the group of people that I call friends. Some I have grown closer to. Some have pulled away without me even really understanding why. In that case I honestly don't feel like I have done anything to closet and my efforts to fix it have gone unnoticed or unwanted. So one of the Scriptures he quoted was Gideons choosing of his army to fight. He had so many men and God said it was too many but he didn't trust God to provide the right number. In the end he fought his battle with 300 men instead of 30,000 men and one. I have been thinking a lot about this. In the past I have liked to have many different friends so that I can always have someone to do stuff with. However since I have moved I have only had a few friends that are close by enough to actually see. This is further made difficult by the fact that they are not always available when I'm available. So I have increasingly learn to rely on myself more. And then, not wanting to wear out the friends that I have, I have been adding more and more alone time. I think ultimately this is a good thing. But it has been a bit of a lonely path. There are one or two friends in particular who seem to have decided that they need to let me go. All of my efforts to reach out have gone on unanswered. One of the friendships I thought had been repaired but then it seems to have gone south again for no apparent reason. Part of me wants to ask why, and part of me knows that it really has nothing to do with me. And that I just need to let that one go.
It is hard to see your group of friends shift and change. I tend to not like that much change. I like living in a new place and I like living in the country but I did not want to lose the people that I felt were my emotional support. I understand a little bit of why I have lost them but at the same time I do not take full responsibility. They were the ones who convinced me to leave in the first place and then they decided that they didn't like the life that I was building. A few have come back around and we have sorted out our differences but others have just remained elusive. I am someone who prefers to talk it out even if we are going to disagree but I also know that not everyone feels that way. Some people prefer to just quietly fade away and just let everything go if life doesn't go the way they think it should. In the end, I will emerge a stronger person with better friends and a stronger reliance on God. Everything will be okay.
One of my dear friends sent me a meme on Facebook the other day that told me I had permission to rest. This was very important to me. She is right. I do not always take the time to rest that I should. So today I am filled with things I could be doing or should be doing or maybe out to be doing and instead I am sitting in my chair watching some television trolling Facebook and crocheting. Every now and then I get up and I move around. I change a lot of laundry I hang some up I take them down I sweep the floor. I have to feed horses later and I will probably also ride today. I will probably go to the storage building and bring some things in the house to put away this week. But mostly I have decided I will do nothing today but I don't want to do. It is Sunday which is a day of rest. Rest does not always mean sitting around in my mind. My father always said rest is whatever you find enjoyable.
Next weekend family will be in town for Maggie's graduation which is Monday, June 20. It is in Azle if anyone would like to attend. We are very proud of our graduate and excited to see her start her next venture
As usual I have dictated this blog through Dragon dictation. Any hilarious or misspoken typos are just that. Let me know and I will try to fix them.
Sent from my iPad