I have made friends here but for many reasons we don't 'go Out'. Partly it is because of schedules. One is a newly wed with a strange work schedule. One is just kind of a homebody like me. Others are too young or too busy with kids or business. Like me, we get in our peaceful rut and just don't do stuff outside of home. I really am pretty much ok with this, in general.
I have a fun packed weekend ahead. I am looking forward to it. However I still manage to stick my foot in my mouth. I want to just be accepted for who I am. I don't want to pretend. I want other friends like I am with my closest people. I am missing that girlfriend connection from my younger days. I suspect that what I want doesn't really exist in this world today. I am so grateful to have Michael but sometimes I miss having 'dinner and drinking' buddies.
I have been feeling like this even in my riding groups lately. I don't know if I have lost my drive to compete because my life has changed so much or what is going on. Michael and I love to ride but I find myself wanting to have more laid back days.
I have goals for the future. I want a little bigger trailer so we can travel more comfortably. I want to spend more time with Mike and just enjoy life.
So with all this great stuff I have no room to be melancholy. I think that life is just hard and that some people are just mean. I think that when you are kind some people take advantage. I wish I could learn to protect my heart more.