Monday, March 30, 2020

Feeling the Strain

Today I am dealing with my loss (potential loss) from all this Covid-19 stuff. I signed up to do the Harry Whitney clinic for this year. I paid my deposit in January. I have diligently saved my money to pay for the clinic. Now, with Trump recommending isolation through the end of April I don't know if I should spend that money I so diligently saved to do this clinic.  Well, that's not true. I know that I should NOT spend the money to do the clinic, but I don't want to be that person who quits. I also don't want to be the person who can't pay my bills.  I wish I were more in a position like my dad was when we were growing up. I know he was out of work a few times but I never really noticed that we didn't have money b/c I'm sure we had savings.  I have friends that are either retired or able to work and the money won't be a thing for thing.  Three years ago I was supposed to go and had to back out b/c of money. I was so careful to make sure I could do it this time.  I'm still planning to at this moment but Michael and I talked last night about the folly of spending that money right now when I don't know if I will be able to work more than 6-7 hours per week till the end of April.

Let's be clear...I'm really enjoying not working.  But I won't when two weeks from now I have a two week dry spell of money in the middle of the month b/c Mike's checks don't come till the end. I did work two hours last week. And I will work about 5 this week, but that's not nearly enough.  Spending a week's income on a 5 day riding clinic never made a lot of sense, but it was doable with planning. Now, not so much.  I don't want to be the one who was unreliable. I worry that they won't let me sign up again. I think there may not be another chance to do an intensive clinic like this one is.  I want to do it so badly.

I keep hoping it will get cancelled on it's own and that I won't have to make a choice.  And I know this is a really dumb thing to be sad about right now with everything going on.

I think I'm probably going to have to cancel my competition in May too. I just don't see how we will be ready to go again that fast after our social distancing is removed. 

So, today I am sad.  I'm going to do my paperwork and turn in my two hours and hit the sales train. We have two days to finish getting Sharon her bonus and I'm so wanting it to happen.  Cross fingers and wish me luck

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