I can not even imagine what my life would be like without my husband. I had a moment on Saturday where I feared that might happen when he was bucked off the horse he was riding and landed in the dirt. Never have I been more happy that we always wear helmets when we ride. Everyone heard it hit the dirt and even some of the cowboys said they were happy that he had it on (of course, they wouldn't think to wear one themselves ;-) He got up and found his way to his chair and though he was battered and bruised he didn't look all that bad at first. His shoulder hurt, but he didn't want the grand kids to miss out riding (or me either)...and the ER in Gatesville wasn't open because of the explosion at the hospital this past Tuesday.
I worried about him some when he kept asking the same questions. Later he said that it was because he was having a hard time believing he had come off and that he was trying to put together the facts as he was being told with what little he did remember. At first though he said that he remembered getting on the horse, but not getting off. He seemed to rally around the idea that he had last 8 seconds (and he did) but he kept asking where he fell off and what happened. This is a sure sign of a concussion.
We had planned to grill out with our son in law and his daughter and the grand kids and swim and stuff, so it was a super bummer when he got home and realized that he needed to go to the doctor after all. He wanted to be clean b/c in these situations you never know when your next shower is going to be. We went to the open urgent care at the Gatesville Hospital and as soon as they heard "bucked off a horse" they asked me if he had been "ejected" and I answered that I guess so. They then said that activated the trauma team and we needed to go to Temple Scott and White because they weren't 100% up and running in Gatesville. They offered to take him by ambulance, but we didn't think that was necessary so we drove to Temple. I drive to Temple all the time but this seemed like a really long trip this time.
When we got to the Temple ER we checked in at the window and it didn't look very busy but we figured that it would be waiting awhile because that's what you do that the ER. As soon as I told them he was bucked off a horse, the woman in the window asked me if he had been ejected and I said yes, I guess being bucked off is being ejected. She then help up a hand to me, got on the phone and called the trauma team. In less than 30 seconds they were forcing Michael into a wheelchair and taking him back to a room and a team of multiple doctors and technicians were xraying, ultrasounding and poking and prodding. We were kind of incredulous because it just didn't seem like that big of a deal to us...we fall off and get hurt...it happens. They said he had a possible Pneumothorax which was confirmed and explained why his chest had gotten tighter and tighter. His lung hadn't collapsed, but it would have.
So, now he is in the hospital with a chest tube waiting for the leak in his lung to heal. They say he will be in at least 2 more days, because he can't go home till his lung quits leaking. They did come in and change out his vacuum and it appears that it was faulty. The new one doesn't show any leaks.
Here is the challenge though. I can't do anything around here. I can't even begin to imagine how I'd function here without him. The swimming pool had a leaky pump and I couldn't open it. Several horses need trimming and my hands will no longer squeeze the nippers. I had to buy square bales for the horses because I don't know how to run the tractor to move the bales of hay. I can't believe how pitifully ill equipped I am to work around here and take care of things. When he comes home he's going to need time to heal but the work never stops. He is the rock that holds this place together. I can't imagine how I would ever manage without him. I told him he had to teach me to do these things because I can't not know how to take care of things.
This morning a friend from church came over and helped me with Journey. On Saturday I was ready for her to go to Mexico on a meat truck (oh not really, but I was pretty mad at her) and today I feel like I Have a little better understanding of her and her personality. Deb showed me how she gets uncomfortable so easily and how pushing her just makes it worse. Honestly, these are things I already knew, but seeing someone else do it made a big difference to how I saw her. I saw her through new eyes this morning. So, for now my plan is to do lots of ground work with her and proceed slowly. Deb may take her if I can't do it, but it's a start. I think if Mike needs a backup he can ride Ginger, but better, he just needs to stick with Joe Bob because is so trustworthy. I'm honestly not sure that I can make the time for her. I have three horses I'm riding that I adore. I'm not sure I have time for a fourth.
I started showing Maggie how to trim feet today. We are both having a bad day. It seems like we start crying at the drop of a hat today. I'm sad because I miss Michael and then another dear friend was very kind to me today and I started crying again.
I find that I am just out of patience for people who think it is OK to criticize me on a regular basis. People I thought were my friends who turned out to be opportunistic more than showing friendship. I have begun to realize that I am so much happier here in my little community and maybe it's time to let go of some of those people who continue to be critical. I was left out of an event that I have gone to all but one year. I was accused of staying home from a meeting to do something frivolous. I want to know why people find this acceptable. The people doing this would not tolerate being criticized in this way. I want to know why people think it's ok to criticize me. I find myself wondering this alot. I would like to change whatever it is I do that makes people think I'm ok to pick on. I'm done. I'm just done. I am not putting up with this crap anymore!
Then I think about other things that make me happy. Little relationships I see developing that make me smile and I can't help but be happy.
My world is so much bigger yet smaller than it used to be. I never want to live anywhere but here and I never want to be away from Michael like this ever again. He had better live a long, long time.
I worried about him some when he kept asking the same questions. Later he said that it was because he was having a hard time believing he had come off and that he was trying to put together the facts as he was being told with what little he did remember. At first though he said that he remembered getting on the horse, but not getting off. He seemed to rally around the idea that he had last 8 seconds (and he did) but he kept asking where he fell off and what happened. This is a sure sign of a concussion.
We had planned to grill out with our son in law and his daughter and the grand kids and swim and stuff, so it was a super bummer when he got home and realized that he needed to go to the doctor after all. He wanted to be clean b/c in these situations you never know when your next shower is going to be. We went to the open urgent care at the Gatesville Hospital and as soon as they heard "bucked off a horse" they asked me if he had been "ejected" and I answered that I guess so. They then said that activated the trauma team and we needed to go to Temple Scott and White because they weren't 100% up and running in Gatesville. They offered to take him by ambulance, but we didn't think that was necessary so we drove to Temple. I drive to Temple all the time but this seemed like a really long trip this time.
When we got to the Temple ER we checked in at the window and it didn't look very busy but we figured that it would be waiting awhile because that's what you do that the ER. As soon as I told them he was bucked off a horse, the woman in the window asked me if he had been ejected and I said yes, I guess being bucked off is being ejected. She then help up a hand to me, got on the phone and called the trauma team. In less than 30 seconds they were forcing Michael into a wheelchair and taking him back to a room and a team of multiple doctors and technicians were xraying, ultrasounding and poking and prodding. We were kind of incredulous because it just didn't seem like that big of a deal to us...we fall off and get hurt...it happens. They said he had a possible Pneumothorax which was confirmed and explained why his chest had gotten tighter and tighter. His lung hadn't collapsed, but it would have.
So, now he is in the hospital with a chest tube waiting for the leak in his lung to heal. They say he will be in at least 2 more days, because he can't go home till his lung quits leaking. They did come in and change out his vacuum and it appears that it was faulty. The new one doesn't show any leaks.
Here is the challenge though. I can't do anything around here. I can't even begin to imagine how I'd function here without him. The swimming pool had a leaky pump and I couldn't open it. Several horses need trimming and my hands will no longer squeeze the nippers. I had to buy square bales for the horses because I don't know how to run the tractor to move the bales of hay. I can't believe how pitifully ill equipped I am to work around here and take care of things. When he comes home he's going to need time to heal but the work never stops. He is the rock that holds this place together. I can't imagine how I would ever manage without him. I told him he had to teach me to do these things because I can't not know how to take care of things.
This morning a friend from church came over and helped me with Journey. On Saturday I was ready for her to go to Mexico on a meat truck (oh not really, but I was pretty mad at her) and today I feel like I Have a little better understanding of her and her personality. Deb showed me how she gets uncomfortable so easily and how pushing her just makes it worse. Honestly, these are things I already knew, but seeing someone else do it made a big difference to how I saw her. I saw her through new eyes this morning. So, for now my plan is to do lots of ground work with her and proceed slowly. Deb may take her if I can't do it, but it's a start. I think if Mike needs a backup he can ride Ginger, but better, he just needs to stick with Joe Bob because is so trustworthy. I'm honestly not sure that I can make the time for her. I have three horses I'm riding that I adore. I'm not sure I have time for a fourth.
I started showing Maggie how to trim feet today. We are both having a bad day. It seems like we start crying at the drop of a hat today. I'm sad because I miss Michael and then another dear friend was very kind to me today and I started crying again.
I find that I am just out of patience for people who think it is OK to criticize me on a regular basis. People I thought were my friends who turned out to be opportunistic more than showing friendship. I have begun to realize that I am so much happier here in my little community and maybe it's time to let go of some of those people who continue to be critical. I was left out of an event that I have gone to all but one year. I was accused of staying home from a meeting to do something frivolous. I want to know why people find this acceptable. The people doing this would not tolerate being criticized in this way. I want to know why people think it's ok to criticize me. I find myself wondering this alot. I would like to change whatever it is I do that makes people think I'm ok to pick on. I'm done. I'm just done. I am not putting up with this crap anymore!
Then I think about other things that make me happy. Little relationships I see developing that make me smile and I can't help but be happy.
My world is so much bigger yet smaller than it used to be. I never want to live anywhere but here and I never want to be away from Michael like this ever again. He had better live a long, long time.
2 comments:
Totally understand. not wanting to be without the most important you feel connected. Your life mate.
#1....learn to drive the tractor. If you feel it's too much, then work on getting a smaller one just for you. We did. I LOVE my little tractor. I do a lot of the brush hogging now. Something peaceful and rewarding about a clean, pretty pasture. If it's the big round rolls of hay that worry you, then get a chain and use your truck to drag it to where the horses are. John use to work in Dallas 4 days a week, so the girls and I had to think of ways to get things done. The fence work wasn't always (well, usually not) nice and tight. But that's ok....The boards on the barn that needed fixing, where not nailed in good, (I'm good at bending nails), but that's ok. I don't do chain saw either (would not be a pretty picture if I handled one. I got a cordless saws-all. Pruning and cutting small trees aren't a problem for me. Hands don't work like they use to.
Alice, you are a strong and mighty woman. You have inner strength. Sometimes life throws a curve ball, just roll with it. You are loved. Sending hugs and prayers
That is so scary :( I am glad he wasn't hurt worse, but that sounds like a really nasty fall. Ouch! Sending healing thoughts so you can get your hubby back where you want and need him. I cannot imagine what I would do without my own Michael. I'd be helpless.
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