Tuesday, November 2, 2010

On being really busy--I think I'm losing it.

Ok…I don’t really think I’m THAT busy.  Well, maybe I am.  I have a hard time gauging. All I know for sure, is that lately I am just so stressed out. It started before Pole Canyon when I was a first time secretary.  I had a brief respite but discovered that even traveling to Missouri to see a friend was stressful.  Then my horse got hurt and I haven’t been able to ride, but because I have so much going on, I’m not entirely sure that I have minded not riding. 


I was supposed to go riding this weekend. (Maggie is gone with her dad and I can ride Dixie)  I could still go if I wanted to. I was invited, which is way, way cool. Usually I hear of people going places and I just sort of ask myself along (which is perfectly acceptable among my friends)  But this time, I was actually invited and encouraged. And I thought I wanted to go.  Until I started thinking about everything I have to do for the Christmas ride.  Then I thought that perhaps I would be better off to stay home and get other stuff done.  Peter will be gone gaming and it occurred to me that being home alone with my embroidery machine and sewing machine and lots of good DVD’s might be more relaxing than hauling somewhere.


So, here’s what I have going on.  I don’t know if this is more or less than the next person.  I just know that I feel really overwhelmed right now. 


I’m the manager for the NATRC Girl Scout Scamper in March. I have a manual and good helpers and it’s far away, so while I think about it a lot, I’m not really stressed about it (yet)  I’m the secretary for the Christmas ride. It’s a little more immediate and I’m making some of the prizes, but I’m on top of it, so again, not all that stressed.  I’m managing the final follies with Kate love in 10 days…it’s pretty much under control. A few prizes to finish up, but nothing major. I will have a big grocery shopping trip next week, but other than that, nothing too worrisome.


I’m homeschooling Maggie and working full time. I’m thinking this is where I’m having my most trouble.  I love teaching Maggie, but it seems not to be getting done as much as I would like. She’s learning by leaps and bounds. I have a good curriculum and she’s very motivated. When I grade her work she is doing quite well. However, I feel like as much as I’m working, it’s getting put on the back burner.  Maggie’s dad and Peter were both supposed to be helping me.  They don’t really (sorry, peter, it’s true)  He says he’s discovered he’s not a good teacher and Maggie doesn’t really like to learn from him (this is also true) Maggie’s dad will tell her to do her work, but he’s more into teaching her stuff not in a book. 


I think the true source of my stress is because I really like being home and lately I have had no home time.  I’m working late most nights and on the road a lot of days.  I like the number of hours I’m working, but I hate the lack of free time I feel like I have had.  I’m wondering what to do with Maggie. I can’t afford any private school this year, but I think next year I will send her to a homeschool 2 day program, or I’ll enroll her in the K-12 public school program so we can get more used to a regular schedule so she can be ready for high school if we decide to go this route.


The funny part is this is all pressure I put on myself.  Maggie is learning lots of good stuff, she isn’t feeling like she’s missing out. She likes the traveling and the days of doing her schoolwork.  I just worry so much about getting everything done properly all the way around. 


I have had a little work stress lately. I started working for my contract to have regular contract work, but they have been really coming down when I take days off lately. I know that October was way busier than I ever want to be again, but I only missed about 6 hours of work total for the month.  I’m a contract worker. The reason I am a contract worker is so that I can take care of my own schedule.  I’m not really sure why they are on my case all of a sudden. I typically end up making up the days as well, so I don’t get it.  I usually reschedule if I have to miss a day, not just not show up.  It’s all very strange.  I know that I have been lacking in the last month. I know that I am close to burn out. I just don’t seem to know how to get away from it and stop the madness. I think that it will be December before the madness is completely over. I just have to hang in there and hope for the best and try to hang on till Christmas.


No comments: