Thursday, December 27, 2007

LIfe at Home

We got part of the house rearranged yesterday. The front room makes a cozy living room, though we're going to have to tweek it a little when spring/summer gets here and the a/c has to be turned on. The couch comes up partway on the vent, but we have enough room to be able to pull the couch away from the wall and make a lip. Cat wasn't sure she was going to like the new set up, but did indeed find it cozy. Today will bring moving the office into the old living room...this is always the most arduous part of the journey. If we play our cards right we'll be sleeping in the office tonight. I suspect it's not a good sign that it's 10:15 and we haven't gotten started yet, but hey, we're on vacation.

I feel bad for having written about my mom...I have tweaked it several times and it still looks ugly on paper. I know that part of me hopes she'll read it and see how I feel...but then I also know that she'll read it and just be mad that I wrote it. I'm not sure what she wants from me. I really don't know. I have never felt like I made the right decisions by her but I never know what the right decision is. I'm not the only one who sees it. My friends from childhood roll their eyes when my mom comes up. They always felt like she gave me a really hard time. One friend said it was amazing I didn't turn into a wildchild. I think the worst part is that no one ever stuck up for me. In my family my dad always used to say "do whatever you need to do to make her happy". Basically: Don't rock the boat. Only I honestly never knew what I was doing right or wrong. (OK, my dad isn't a saint either, but our issues are different, and seem to be less emotionally stressful) I know that I blog about it b/c I keep hoping she'll read this and see how I feel and maybe, just maybe we can still find a way to get along after all this time. But I'm not holding my breath. She thinks it's all me that needs to make an effort. I know that effort needs to be made on both sides.

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