Thursday, December 27, 2007

LIfe at Home

We got part of the house rearranged yesterday. The front room makes a cozy living room, though we're going to have to tweek it a little when spring/summer gets here and the a/c has to be turned on. The couch comes up partway on the vent, but we have enough room to be able to pull the couch away from the wall and make a lip. Cat wasn't sure she was going to like the new set up, but did indeed find it cozy. Today will bring moving the office into the old living room...this is always the most arduous part of the journey. If we play our cards right we'll be sleeping in the office tonight. I suspect it's not a good sign that it's 10:15 and we haven't gotten started yet, but hey, we're on vacation.

I feel bad for having written about my mom...I have tweaked it several times and it still looks ugly on paper. I know that part of me hopes she'll read it and see how I feel...but then I also know that she'll read it and just be mad that I wrote it. I'm not sure what she wants from me. I really don't know. I have never felt like I made the right decisions by her but I never know what the right decision is. I'm not the only one who sees it. My friends from childhood roll their eyes when my mom comes up. They always felt like she gave me a really hard time. One friend said it was amazing I didn't turn into a wildchild. I think the worst part is that no one ever stuck up for me. In my family my dad always used to say "do whatever you need to do to make her happy". Basically: Don't rock the boat. Only I honestly never knew what I was doing right or wrong. (OK, my dad isn't a saint either, but our issues are different, and seem to be less emotionally stressful) I know that I blog about it b/c I keep hoping she'll read this and see how I feel and maybe, just maybe we can still find a way to get along after all this time. But I'm not holding my breath. She thinks it's all me that needs to make an effort. I know that effort needs to be made on both sides.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Frankie at the pound

Cat took Frankie to the pound for me today. They seemed to think they'd be able to place him without too much work. I'm going to mail his papers to them so that they can pass them along. I never knew it, but he's microchipped...just that the chip was never registered to anyone. I hated sending him away and I"m praying that he'll find the right home. I just can't continue to change my life to suit the dog. Everyone said that they couldn't believe I'd kept him this long. I thought I was being a good dog owner, but evidently I was a dork b/c he can't be trained by me.

The house is really quiet tonight with him gone. It was nice to not have to worry about locking up every morsel of food. I set something down on the table and didn't have to carry it from room to room.

I will miss his fun. He was a great trail dog...I wonder if I could still train Scooby to go on the trail and not chase the horses?

Christmas 2007

We had a very pleasant Christmas at our house! We stayed home and played with our new toys (I got a 4 gig Ipod, which was way, way cool) As usual I didn't get Peter anything near as cool as he got me. He's really hard to buy for, usually buys what he wants himself and doesn't tell me half of what he wants. I got him a new pan for the kitche, which he'd been wanting, but it wasn't exciting like an IPOD. I now know he really wanted one, but he wanted me to be so off focused of IPOD so that I wouldn't suspect, that he missed his opportunity for me to go shopping. Peter always takes so much better care of us than we can of him. I want to pay him back.

We had friends over in the evening to eat pasta and watch TV. One of the friends brought some limoncello, which is a lemon flavored liqueur. It was yummy and I found myself drifting to a mellow sort of place and time sort of stood still. I could tell I was tipsy, but all my friends said I looked and sounded perfectly normal. Good thing I don't enjoy that feeling and don't ever drink that much often. It just sort of snuck up on me. And to boot, I had a lovely headache when I woke up this am. The definite advantage to "partying" at home is that you don't have to drive. Peter drank a little but not much, so he was in better shape than I was.

Maggie went home with Shawn and Alexa and we've been spending the day rearranging and getting dish service installed into a new room. We are kind of moving a round robbin set of room stuff and cleaning as wel go. The front room has never been used that much and we are going to make it our living room/den for TV. Hence, the dish being added. It's a pretty big task and Peter isn't his usual energetic self...we've both been playing on the computer a lot. We're doing it partly to clean in anticipation of my father's visit on Sat. Though, honestly, I'm not sure they'll come over here. I don't think my dad's wife likes my house or my pets.

I did talk to my mom yesterday it was not a satisfying conversation. Maggie called her to wish her Merry Christmas. Peter dialed the phone for Maggie as I was in the kitchen getting stuff ready for my dinner and then after a few minutes Maggie brought me the phone and said "she only wants to talk to you if you want to talk to her". I thought it was a weird thing to say, but I said "of course, I want to talk to her". I could tell from her tone of voice that she was grouchy. In fact, she seemed so grouchy to me I didn't get a chance to say much to her before she told me that the set of CD's to learn russian was scratched and didn't play properly. I said that I would burn another copy she told me not to bother b/c she wasn't going back to Russia and it wouldn't do her any good to learn Russian. (Background: She had gone on a mission trip and liked it so much that Peter had bought the Russian cd's for her. I have had them for ages and thought she'd enjoy them as a present, so I sent them for Christmas) I was surprised at her irritation and asked her about wanting to go back to Russia. She said that wanting and getting to go were two different things so I should not bother. I was pretty surprised, b/c I thought that was in the game plan for the future. I just told her Merry Christmas and I loved her and she just hung up without saying anything else.

I know that I didn't get her a good present for Christmas. I told her before Christmas I was looking for one more gift and she told me not to worry about it. I did get her something else just didn't arrive before Christmas. I'm not sure she believed me when I told her though. My sister in law told me that all she really wanted for Christmas was for us to come up. That didn't work out either. I just didn't want to travel anywhere. Shawn has Maggie part of this week and next. We are trying to start our own fun and our own traditions and I know that makes us selfish. I would love for her to come visit us here instead of us schlepping up there.

I can't please her. I know that already. Whatever I do, whenever I do it, I'm wrong. It's always been this way. I am the bad kid and Eric is the good kid. Eric's kids are perfect, my kid isn't. It's some weird competition that makes it difficult to be close to Eric and Cindy, which is something I desire. I try so hard to get along with her and I can never do the right thing. Quite honestly, I'm just done. I can't continue to get worked up over her reaction. I can't continue to anticipate what I think her behavior will be. I can no longer try to pattern my behavior after the reaction I hope to get, b/c I never get the reaction I'd hoped for. It makes me very sad. I would love to be able to call up my mom and talk to her about daily stuff. I wish I could talk to her like Maggie talks to me. I find myself sad, but resigned. I have to quit trying. Nothing seems to make it any better, so I have to quit stressing about it and just move forward. When I try to talk to her about this stuff, she gets mad and turns it back on me. It's always something I have done that is causing the stress.

After yet another attack on Willie, I have decided to send Frankie to the pound. I have alerted JRT rescue so they can find him a home. The problem has been that as long as I Have him in a home, they don't try really hard to find him a home. If I send him to the pound, they will find him a home. I feel terrible b/c he's so much fun and bright and energetic, but he's beating up my little dog and he and Scooby fight as well (though Thank God not recently) I have just grown so weary of taking care of him and protecting my other pets and food on the counters. I'm just done. I think if he had a one dog home he'd be much better off. I have tried to find him a home for over a year and it's just not working. When I meet people who may want him, I tell them about him and they don't want him. I always joke that I can't give him to anyone I like b/c then they won't be my friend. I can't go anywhere without taking him with, crating him or boarding him. He can't just be in the backyard ever. I hate to admit I failed, but I also hate the thought of going on like this for the next 10 years or so.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Playing Catch up again

Frankie and Willie had another go round this week. My friends say that the only reason frankie is still alive is b/c i love him. They are problaby right...I've never known a dog that is this big of a pain. I talked to the vet about putting him to sleep b/c of his aggression toward other dogs, but they urge me not to. I have tried, once again to find him a home, but I'm having no luck at all. No one wants him. If I tell people about him, they really don't want him...I can't imagine him being here for the next 10 years of my life, but then I can't imagine putting him to sleep either. I feel like if I just could get him enough exercise we'd be I guess more exercise it is.

I spent the day grocery shopping. My Christmas cooking is very expensive and detailed, but I won't be buying anymore groceries after this is over! I have food to be able to cook in the next week or two and that's good. I've been eating out way too much! After hitting a low of 198.8, I'm up to 204. I haven't done anything different that I can tell either, so I don't know what's different. I hate that! I lost it easily and gained it just as easily. sigh. I'm back to weighing each day b/c I find it helps me stay on track.

We have a nice couple of days planned...My food is mostly cooked in the crock, which will be nice. We're having a crock pot version of Cioppino for Christmas Eve and Shawn is coming over. I'm making Rachel Ray's Christmas pasta on Sunday. Both will go well in the crock so I won't be tied to the kitchen. Usually we go to the barn to play with our new horsey toys on Christmas day, which we will do again this year. Alexa is coming over for the Christmas dinner portion of the day...I have to get to the barn for a little while anyway...I'm not sure we have times set for eating yet.

The day after Christmas, we are going to rearrange our house as we often do this time of year. We're going to put the living room in the front room, like it was in the original days of this house. Our couch just fits in the room so that will be cozy. We were talking about how we need a flat screen TV to put in the room...but I don't think we'll be doing that this year. We're going to clean really well for my dad coming and move our office back into the big room so we have more space. We have a lot of "stuff" that will go into the room that we now use as a bedroom and it will be for music and massages and just a "quiet" place. I've already started to dump a lot of stuff like books and just other stuff. I get new stuff at Christmas and then I purge...or I purge before I get.

I finally got Peter something for Christmas that he'll like...took me awhile to find something. I did have one thing i forgot to buy b/c Cat was with me and i just got distracted. But, I did get him some things he'll like I think...More on that later.

We have my computer working for now, but it's not great yet. all of a sudden the wireless is working (don't know why) but it's still not burning cd's. If it keeps working, I'll try to get around in the next day or two and say hi. My sims are still going...they've been fun.

I had a lesson with Liberty yesterday. He's just doing ground work for now and he's going to be great. I have been paying Renee, at my barn to help me with him. She's a fantastic horse trainer. I hope to get with her again next week as well, but I have to wait and see what the weather is going to be like. I have been doing a ton of clinton anderson stuff and he's doing it really well. She's teaching him more John Lyons type stuff and he's learning that quickly as well. He's so smart!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Christmas Vacation

Maggie is on break now and I'm still working. My work ethic is in the toilet! I'm taking off next week, but I still have to get through this week. I'm seriously tired today from getting up early to take Cat's son to the airport. Her purse was stolen and she couldn't check him in and his flight left at 6:45...only we missed it b/c we waited in the wrong line 2 times (and then they told us we couldn't check in a minor in either of those lines) He got on the 7:25 flight by just a hair...we went to breakfast and now I'm home.

My computer is ill. I'm on Peter's. Some of the drivers started malfunctioning and now the wireless part doesn't work. Peter took it to work to fix it but I don't know if he'll have time or not.

The weather is beautiful and I want to be outside riding...

My dad is coming for the Cotton Bowl, which is fun, but makes more busyness too. I was looking forward to a real vacation break with lots of sitting around, but now I'll be cleaning and entertaining. I'm thinking of taking off two weeks instead of just one, or only seeing a few clients the week after Christmas. I really need a break. I feel like I'm so busy.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

I want an Alice of my Own

Well, my kitchen is now clean. I scrubbed it, baked in it and then scrubbed it again. I want an know, Alice from the Brady Bunch. She cooked, she cleaned, she was always there to watch the kids...I want an Alice. Then Peter and I would never have to fight again about housework b/c Alice would be doing it. One room down and a few more to go before Christmas arrives.

Today I was able to stay home for the entire day. I have spent most of it on the computer, doing paperwork and paying bills and reading email. My new addiction to Sims 2 has affected my correspondence with my online friends! I made scones for Maggie's medieval party at school tomorrow. Shawn and Maggie will come by and pick them up any minute. They turned out pretty good and I managed to protect them from the dogs!

Christmas was supposed to be slow and relaxing this year for us. It was going to be just family here at home. Partly we planned it this way b/c it's an "odd" year (2007) so it's one of Shawn's years to have Maggie for the holiday. He planned to take her to the HIll Country to see his folks starting th 26th. Then we found out that Mizzou is in the Cotton Bowl and Dad and Shirley are coming down for that. Then I found out that Sara, Peter's sister is coming down the weekend before Christmas, possibly with his mother, which again changes things. If his mother comes down, I suspect she'll be at Nick's house, but we've already planned dinner here at home and invited Alexa to join us. So, I guess we'll invite her here for dinner, which means I have to clean my house a week sooner.

Nice thing about Dad and Shirley coming is that they won't be over here much since they don't like the pets...of course, I'd like to host them in my home. I found out that Shirley's kids are coming down to the game too, so I'm wondering if they're all staying at the same hotel and how much of our activities will center around them as well. I'm pretty jealous of time with my dad b/c I never get any with him alone. I wonder if the weather is nice I can convince them to come watch us ride just one time? My dad has never seen my ride my horse, nor Maggie hers. We're sharing his thing (football) It would be nice if he could be open minded and share mine...but I'm not holding my breath.

Then to make things even more complicated, Shawn forgot to put in for the days off and can't have her until the 2nd for his trip with her. This is fine with me since all of the other family is coming to town, but it's bad b/c one of the reasons we told Mom we couldn't come was b/c of Shawn and he's bugged out. I figure it's better to let her know now how it all went down b/c I hate for her to think I planned it this way. I just knew it wasn't a good year to travel and it looks like my instincts were right on. Too bad my mom can't come down here too since everyone else seems to be. It's also too bad that Eric doesn't have tickets to the game. It would be great fun to have his family here!

The change in plans sets my goal to redo Maggie's room back a week, but it give me an extra week to get the wall paper peeled off. I wanted to get her to take off the wallpaper so I could repaint her walls as a surprise while she's gone. Not really a Christmas present, but redone nonetheless. I want to take Peter to look at a bed she's interested in changing to. She wants a double bed instead of her singles now.

Playing catch up: Freeley was lame at six O and we had to pull. I had a vet look at him on Monday last and he said that he was “post navicular syndrome” which means he’s lame in one heal for no apparent reason and there are no changes on his xrays. This is good and bad news since it means that they aren’t finding anything wrong…but he’s still sore. WE put him on a round of bute and another steroid anti-inflammatory. After 5 days he’s much better. I had already pulled the shoes I had on him temporarily as he interfered so badly that it wasn’t to his benefit to stay shod. His soles are very thin, which I believe is part of the problem. Not sure what to do except to easy boot every time I ride, even in soft terrain. Of course, I did that the last hard ride I had before this lameness and he was lame anyway, so who knows? He’s getting rest right now and I will continue to trim him with him. OH, and the second vet says he’s not rotated at all, which is great news!

Maggie got sixth in horse and rider out of sixth on Joe Bear. We're happy though b/c she finished! She and Joe were so much more comfortable together...though Maggie will tell you that Brody was tons more fun to ride and more comfortable too. She says she really misses him, but I honestly am not sure he's great for her to ride anyway. He's young and while good natured, can be a little frustrating. He needs a more consistent rider and she's not that consistent right now. Heck,she's 10, so it doesn't worry me much. I found out that she and Brody placed 6th in the region as a team and he got 6th in horse. We're going to the convention, but Maggie doesn't know she placed, so it will be pretty exciting. Next year I"m planning for her to start competing Freeley and I will start competing Liberty. However, if he's not ready in March we'll fall back to Joe Bear for her and Freeley for me.

I'm going to change my account settings back to allow any poster to post comments again. However, if someone posts an anonymous comment, I won't publish it since I'm not crazy about publishing comments from people who won't admit who they are. I have plenty of room for dialog and don't even mind a discussion, but not without an identity.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

So tired!

I slept very little last night. Yesterday evening my idiot of a JRT ate a box of rock candy project mix (I'm guessing it was just sugar--at least I hope so) and then he spent the night puking. I did let him outside to puke for awhile, but that requires I stand there and watch him b/c he runs off if not supervised. I now have sticky paw prints all through my house. UGH!

Monday, December 10, 2007

Playing Catch up

Today was a weird day. I woke up late, missed some appointments and then went to the eye doctor where I found out that I have a weird eye problem that is interfering with my contacts. Something about the oil glands in my eyes over producing and causing irritation. I'm switching types of lenses, ordered new glasses and will be good for the year it takes me to save up for Lasik!

I saw one out of 5 clients today...not a good ratio for my day. I think I can get at least one of them rescheduled. The other two, I'm not sure about. My bad...some days are like that. I wish I were more upset about it, but I had so much to do and the eye doctor took so long.

It's the Christmas holiday-itis getting to me I think. I want to do some sewing and it's just not happening. All sewn items will get to people directly after the holidays and it will just have to be OK. I want to do better, but yet, I know my limitations.

Tomorrow I go to Springtown and makeup for the week I missed when I lost my car keys.

I've been so swamped, I thought I had posted about the Simms myself...I didn't realize Peter had done it for me.

In case anyone is wondering...

...where Alice is. Well, all I can say is that Maggie and I have finally succeeded into sucking her into the world of computer gaming. Yes, that is right, computer gaming. Most nights you will now find Alice camped on our nice new couch playing with her Sims(*). It is rather funny in that I am the one to go to sleep most evenings before her.

What is really fun is watching her 'yell' at her computer because her digital teenager will not do their homework. It is almost like a soap opera listening to her talk about what her Sim did this day. *grin*

I am sure Alice will probably return to her normal blogging frequency once she gets tired of the game, but for now she is having fun playing with her digital family.


(*)For those of you who do not know Sims 2 is a game where you can create people, any age child through elder, and guide them through life from getting a job to getting married to getting old and everything in between

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Found Keys

I found my keys...They were in my car sandwiched between two books. I have no idea how they got out the door without me noticing where they were in the first place. I feel really dumb!