Feeling Discouraged

Today has not been a good day. I went riding with Maggie, and my friend Dana, both of which should have been fun. But, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this am. I had the feeling I should skip the riding, but I didn't want to let Dana or Maggie down. I had taken NyQuil last night and think I was hung over, but as the day wore on I didn't feel any better. I felt a bit dizzy and just off kilter. Liberty started out being a total pain the butt. He wouldn't stand by the gate to open it. He acted scared when I tried to move him next to the gate. I had to be pretty firm with him a few times to get him to mind, but in the end it backfired. Out of nowhere (when I thought we were finally on the same page) he started bucking. Just when I thought I had the situation under control he shied and sucked back, leaving me on the ground. Of course, I got up, brushed myself off, and remounted, but I didn't want to let Maggie out of my sight after that as it may have been Dixie's running around elsewhere that caused the outburst. It did cause his last bucking fit, but most of the time the other horses don't seem to be an issue, so I don't think that was it this time. I think he had had enough of me being hard on him (and i was)and I had had enough of him being a pill (and he was) and the end result was a blow up. I rode him some more after and he was fine. We trotted and walked, but he was still not as soft as I'd like him to be. We did a lot of lateral work, which wasn't good for him (well, good for his body, but not his brain) I just hate falling off so badly. I hate how mad I was and how mad i know he was. I hate that I couldn't relax and work through it calmly...but I admit that one moment of being hard on him, each time he was naughty, did get the job done faster than all the nice things I do. He didn't run away when I fell off either, so that was pretty cool.

We did have a few good moments. He did sidepass a log both directions (though it wasn't always pretty) He did back up a hill. He did only act up that one time (I hate bucking!) I need an instructor to help me work on this stuff. Jennifer has been great, but I feel like I need someone to help with the trails.

Maggie had a blast today. She jumped several logs and she and Dixie had a great time being completely unconcerned about Liberty. It was just Liberty being a slave to Dixie's hormones (or perhaps mine).

Then I called a friend to talk...she promptly told me she'd call me right back and never did. She is always doing that...I'm so tired of that. I feel disrespected and unimportant, at least on this front. It's not just today. If I call, she will talk and then "have to go" and then never call me back. I'm beginning to feel very used and I know that I have been lied to. It's just getting really old. She will call when she needs me, but not call me back when I need her. I'm finding myself feeling very left out right now. I'm resentful of a situation I can't change.

All in all, just a bad day. I'm ready to have a quiet evening with very little activity. My lasik surgery has still interfered with my vision...I still can't watch TV from my spot on the couch. My computer vision is great.