Monday, February 2, 2009

What do I do with the rest of my life?

My brain is so full tonight of all the things that I would like to do and accomplish in my lifetime. Some people, like my mom and my dad, pick a career early in their lives and then they don't change. They keep/kept doing what they started out doing. I just can't seem to be completely happy with my original chosen profession of music therapy, but I can't put my finger exactly what it is that I don't like about it. I know part of it is that I don't have any work buddies or friends. I feel isolated in my work and I never have been mentored once I finished school...now I'm 20 years down the line (almost) and it seems like I'm a little late to jump on the "i need help and training band wagon." I think where it really went wrong was when I moved to KY and never had any opportunity to work with other therapists. Then I moved to IA and had a fantastic job with a terrible boss...then I basically was unable to practice music therapy when I lived in KY. I had a baby, couldn't afford conventions and got more and more behind the times. I finally got back to TX and so much had changed about the profession and I had been left behind. Which brings me back to point a...no friends or mentors.

Then I lost my voice and then I quit working for a number of years while Maggie was little.

Then I became a massage therapist, which I really loved, but...I'm not doing much with it right now either. I have only one massage client each week and I think I need a few more. I like the idea of doing more massage work as a physical therapist...I don't think I'm really cut out for the hang out in the quiet room massage. I'm more suited toward sports massage or medical massage. I just don't quite know how to break into that either. I have this vision of who I'd like to be and I sort of have an idea of how to get there, but then I get stuck in music therapy lala land because it is paying the bills I should get more educated in this area even though it's not really what interests me the most.

I feel like the time of a decision is at hand. I feel like it's about to be time to choose a path and get on with it...not getting any younger, but I also realize that I may need to keep up with Music therapy for a couple more years until I can afford to ditch it and concentrate on other things.

And if we can't figure out what's up with my voice, it really won't matter as I can't keep singing.

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