Monday, February 8, 2010

Medifast weigh in and reflections

I will be weighing in on Wednesday at Medifast. I think I have 2 more weeks to go on my plan, maybe 3...I have decided to really be vigilant this week and eat correctly since I'm home and Peter is gone. I thought it could get me back on task. I did pretty well today.

I'm finding out all kinds of things about myself through this dieting process. I find that i don't like to go weigh in at the center on weeks when I know I have gained. They start to nitpick me about what I have eaten, what I'm doing, how much I have exercised. Of course, I know this is their job, but it makes me feel naughty, which makes me want to eat more food to prove my independence. That is surely messed up. I find that I really hate having anyone tell me what I should eat. I already know what I should eat. Most of the time I do it well. Sometimes I don't. I know that I should eat about half of what I do (when I'm not paying attention or eating out) I know that lean meats and lots of veggies are better for me than pasta and cream sauces. Sometimes I want the pasta and cream sauce. Mostly I am able to say no.

I'm not sure how to start doing Medifast full time again. I wonder why I'm "over it" mentally when I was doing so well before Christmas. I wonder why it's not easy to go back to my shakes full time.

I was up today when I weighed on the WII from the weekend at the convention, but that didn't surprise me. It will be interesting to see what i am tomorrow. I'm still noticing an over all trend upwards. I will start transitioning to food soon, but I guess, realistically I already have. I think part of me feels like I can't make my goal anyway, so "why bother" which is totally the wrong attitude. I'm still striving to lose. I just keep creeping up.

But, I have lost inches and I need to cling onto that! I have lost a bunch of inches.

I still think there is something in me that is afraid of succeeding in this arena. Something holds me back when I start to dip below some sort of invisible comfort level. I want to be thinner and to have a beautiful body...and I'm working at it. I just have to get my mind right and figure out why I keep stopping myself.

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