And now for something completely different

It has been almost a month since I posted in the blog. It is been a month of a lot of growth and a lot of time spent in thought. I have cut back on my workload a little bit which will make life somewhat simpler. I have started one relationship and ended another. I'm still in the process of growth. But aren't we always?

Most people know by now that you are and I are in the process of getting divorced. This is not been an easy decision nor has it been one I have taken lightly. It was a long time coming. My understanding is that he is not happy that this is happening and I am sad for that, but for me it was the only thing that I could do to continue being me. I would have preferred to be able to stay. I would've preferred to keep the house I've lived in for the last 14 years and to have continued to have health insurance covered by his job. And for my daughter to not know the pain of having to live elsewhere when she would really prefer to live in the home she is familiar with. I would've rather been able to keep things status quo and just kept on, but I can do this no longer. He and I are the only ones who know the reasons we have now separated and are in the process of divorcing. People want to know details and the people who need to know know. No one else but the two of us need to know. These details are private. However, I have noticed that many people like to butt in. They like to tell stories and they like to cause pain and strife. There are people that have told Peter things I am doing with my time but he does not need to know because it is either hurtful or just simply none of his business. I have made an effort to not ask too many questions about what he is doing because it is none of my business. I would like to stay friendly with him and I would like us to be able to attend different events that involve photography and horses and have it not be awkward forever.

Today, I had an uncomfortable conversation with him that told me we are not as good as I thought we were. I hate that because in my mind he is not the enemy. Things that have happened in the past are in the past and I only wish to move forward. I also know there's nothing I can do about this. In the future, I will date and he will date. One or both of us may find new mates for our future. However, that again is private and is not important for the general public to know about or to approve of.

However, I am happy to be on the path that I am on. I love my little house in the country. I love waking up to my horses in the yard. These are things I have always wanted and needed and their things that would not have made Peter happy.

I'm sure he feels differently towards me since I'm the one who moved out. I was tired of living in town I was tired of living without my horses. I was tired of lots of things as I am sure he was as well. We did not mesh well and it is unfortunate that things have ended this way. I wish him only the best and I hope that we both have happy and productive lives in the future. I wish us both nothing but the best.


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