Very strange tuesday

I woke up this am feeling like I was getting sick, with my head hurting so bad I could barely bring myself to get out of bed. I rallied, got some coffee at starbucks and went to school to see clients. I saw the first two and then ran to walmart to replace my stereo, which has broken, came home to eat lunch. I found I had a fever, but didn't really feel that bad, so I called a few clients to see what their preference was. I found out that a couple clients were sick on their own and another never called me back so I didn't know if she wanted me to come or not. Yet another has never returned my calls at all. I also heard from the agency for whom I work and they said that one of the clients called the office and said I hadn't come (at least that's how the message got translated to 2 different people)...they were the one who was already ill and they didn't want me to come. When I called the dad said he was sorry that mom hadn't called to tell me.

I'm sort of glad that I didn't have to go anywhere, but I wasn't able to get any rest as whenever I dozed off a variety of things happened. I think we have another rat and he was working under our sink (yuck!) Then the phone rang and then Maggie and Shawn stopped by to pick up some things they needed for her days with him. So, here we are at 6pm and I still feel icky and tired, but it's too late to nap and too early to sleep. I think I will try to get to bed by 9 tonight.

I'm supposed to have a lesson tomorrow on Liberty...Hopefully if this is a cold and not the flu, it will have set in by then and I'll feel better. I'm feeling so icky and I have had such a couple of spotty weeks working that I hesitate to give up any ground...I can't bear the idea of not earning the money and I can't bear the idea of making people angry and having them quit using me. I have grown to like my schedule and my work. I think I never take time off b/c when I do (like last week) I end up getting sick and missing b/c i was sick and then it looks like I'm a slacker, which I'm not.

I was telling Shawn today that I worry a little about doing a good job and keeping the jobs I have. I go to Springtown every Thursday and while I know that I would rather be doing massages full time, it's such a great opportunity. I love the kids and I love the work. I want to keep working for them as long as they'll have me back. I worry that they'll find someone who is better at it and then I won't have a job and I don't want that to happen. It's valuable to me both in career and in monetary terms adn I hope I can continue that relationship for a long time! I feel like I need to know more than I do know. I'm rusty and don't really know who to turn to. I read posts on email groups of other therapists and I want to watch them work, yet I know that other therapists are all busy and don't really want me tagging along with them. I'm trying to set aside time for reading each week and for activity development. He says he worries about it too but since we travel, our bosses often don't tell us anything unless there is trouble versus telling us when we are doing a good job.

So, today I am here wishing I felt better. Yesterday was such a great day. I was in a good mood, I rode horses I was positive. TOday I have no energy and feel blah. I guess since I have a temp, I'm "ill" vs. "down in the dumps" but I hate having my moods swing like this. Yesterday I could have said that I was fine and didn't need any help with my mood. Today I'm all pitiful, but questioning how sick I am versus how lazy I must be. I don't feel good, so I stay home and then I feel bad b/c I've let people down...not a good way to spend my week.

I have thursday to look forward to though. Lee is coming to town from FL and i have taken off work to see her. If the weather is OK Susan and Lee and I will ride. More likely though we'll just have lunch b/c there is predicted bad weather. Then I will see a couple of clients on makeups since I missed them yesterday hanging out with Maggie on her day off, so it will be a full day.

Some days I wish I could just have money and not work. I wish I had a Motherlode key, like in sims2 and whenever I need money I just pick money off my tree or type in Motherlode...which obviously isn't going to happen :-) But it is a nice thought.

Peter is hungry and I'm not cooking. Back in a few to write about Liberty.