Weird dream, unsettling day

I had a strange dream just before I awoke this morning. I dreamed that many of the people with whom I trail ride were all out on the lake. Many were dressed in riding clothes. Some were in boats, some were on rafts. I was swimming in the lake visiting all my friends. I came up to one raft and rested on it, accidentally knocking one of my friends into the lake. She was really mad. She was fully clothed in riding clothes. Then, later in the dream she was in a boat with a couple of other friends. I swam up to the boat and just touched the boat and she fell in the water again. The first time I actually pulled on the raft, but in the second instance I just touched the boat. Everyone around us, and my friend got really angry with me for getting her wet. I kept trying to apologize and no one would listen. I was incredulous that all these people were in boats in the lake fully clothed and I was in trouble for getting someone wet. I kept trying to tell everyone it was accident, it wasn't my fault and all I had done was touch the boat. I then woke up...

I've been thinking about this dream all day and trying to figure out what it means. The person who was angry at me is an on and off again "friend" I find myself second guessing all my dealings with this lady and never knowing for sure where I stand. I also feel like she has become better friends with people I knew longer and sometimes that makes me insecure.

I also was thinking about other people who serve the same function in my life. I have met several people in the last few years who seem to think that they can cancel on me at any time. They will make plans and not bother to call and cancel or cancel at the last minute. Or worse, I will change my plans to suit these people only to have them dump me b/c family plans came up or something came up at the last minute. I find this behavior so completely inconsiderate and infuriating. Only, folks who do it, don't recognize that they have the problem, and they get mad when you call them on it.

I have been amazed lately how people just aren't nice. I know that I'm not one of the world's nicest people, but I'm considerate of folks. I try to think of how my words and actions will affect others and I really try not to offend people on purpose. That's doesn't mean I don't offend, but I try to be nice. My biggest fault is caring way too much what other people think of my words and actions and then worrying about where I stand. I need to learn to be more independent. I embrace spending time alone, but I also miss having close bosom friends who "get" me. I have made the mistake of giving too much of myself to people who end up using me by taking from me and then never giving back. And worse, the same people call me needy or crazy b/c I expect some reciprocation.

I also think that perhaps the dream signifies me looking for a set of real friends to be close to. I swam between rafts and boats and not one of the people invited me on board. When I hung on to their craft, just to visit, and then I accidentally knocked someone in the water, everyone jumped on me. I wasn't part of any group. Perhaps this is good, but sometimes, it just feels lonely. Mostly, I think I would be better off if i just didn't care so much.