Tuesday, May 17, 2016

contemplation

I do some of my best thinking when I am driving in a silent car my mind will wander sometimes your subjects I never even considered thought about I read somewhere that if you wake up with a song in your head to explore what it means. I often sing songs over and over in my head when I'm driving and it intermingles with all of the thoughts I am having.

The song that he keeps coming to my mind is a Liz Longley song called Pieces. It is not on an album or on Spotify. I found it through and online class I was taking. The composer was talking about how they brought Liz Longley into the studio to work on the song with and how she phrased it changed the feel of the song. I liked it so much I had to figure out how to play it and I have mostly worked on the chords.  the song is on YouTube and it is absolutely gorgeous.

The song is about a lost lover. I don't know if the person has just left or if they died, but the girl in the song is very attached to the man. He is gone it talks about how when you love someone it would be much easier if they left all at one time what they don't you lose them in pieces. You must hear this song.

I have people in my life that I have loved but who, for whatever reason are not going to be with me long term. I want them to be. I wish they could be. But I know in my heart that it will never work out. When I hear this song I think of all the little things that make this person special and I'm bored how they can't get their act together to be fully present in my life.  but yet I fully care about this person, I would wager to say even love their not in love. I have great sadness that some relationships can never be fully realized.

There has been another song to but now I can't think what it was.

I have been trying to consider how One lets one of these relationships go. I have tried cutting it off and that didn't work well. the emotions are still there. I have tried being myself apart intellectually and this works better. However I know it some point the intellectual will outweigh the heart. and the worst part is I don't feel like there's any way to converse about I would love to just talk and work out all the details but I don't think that's ever going to happen.

So for now I go through each day taking it as it comes. I do what I need to do to keep my essential part of the safe. I truly have no desire to go out and meet new people at least not right now. I want to just Embrace and enjoy my single life. But I am a little sad for things that cannot be though I admit to Growing less sad each day.

As usual I have dictated this vocally. For some reason my Punctuation is not appearing as it should. So I apologize for bad grammar, run on sentences, and anything else I may not have proof read properly I do promise to go back and proofread it again.

1 comment:

Val said...

Yes, I'm way overdue for a nice Long Haul which is likewise a time for meditation/contemplation (don't worry I never SHUT MY EYES ;-)
But Z's graduation (i.e. the Light at the End of the Tunnel) is fast approaching & I'm just hoping & praying his father is reasonable at long last (excuse me, I NEEDED a good laugh - ha ha ha!) & lets him go w/out conflict. Meanwhile, my worrisome mind imagines all the possible complications - I keep stressing to Z that no matter what, he must keep his temper, not allow his dad to provoke him into doing anything foolish. All his belongings, even the goddamn car, are REPLACEABLE so before push comes to shove, he should just LEAVE & we'll clean up later...